You Get To Choose

… and what you choose is right.”

So much seems to have spun out of control during the month of March. The astrological directive with Uranus changing signs and returning after 84-years to what’s referred to as the Aries point… Aries being the beginning. Think about the essence of “And God said, Let there be Light!” It’s big-time birthing energy. It’s spring and Aries energy contains the promise of renewal.

Uranus shakes things up. Status quo being it’s mortal enemy. We must go with any changes that unfold at this time… no matter how shocking or strange. For at the end of what feels chaotic and uncomfortable, will be a new found freedom to express greater autonomy. One that celebrates our individual uniqueness. And the underlying principle of an expanding universe… diversity.

Since landing my ass in Abraham’s hot seat in San Diego on March 5th (and I think also because I put myself, rather unknowingly, on a certain trajectory once I choose to focus on 40 Days of Alignment) combined with some rather powerful astrological personal transits I’m experiencing… many things are shifting.

Ringing in my ears, I hear a friend sharing his own experience. He’s saying that if he had known where he was going before he went, he wouldn’t have gone. Or something like that. Actually, I don’t think that’s quite right… it feels disempowering. But I think you get it.

Maybe it’s about knowing the plan. And recognizing our need to sort it all out, in our heads first. Or at least, as much as we can.

If we knew what the entire plan involved, we would have never set out on the journey. Mostly thinking some of the steps involved were out of reach and sometimes impossible for us to even consider (conscious vs. unconscious).

Letting go of the need to plan. The need to know, in that way at least. To know because you have a plan (tangled up with attachments to certain outcomes) versus to know because you are certain things are always working out for your good.

Two different angles here.

Or launching points you’ll here me say. Because the point from which you launch off into anything, matters beyond what you may have ever considered before.

I discovered just how much leverage is in this juicy tid-bit when I decided to find alignment to my physical body’s well-being last fall. For nearly the last 30 years or so, my inner languaging about it has sounded completely different and very disempowering. It went, “I hate this roll on my belly.” Or sometimes, “She can’t be a size 10, I’m going to climb on that fuckin’ elliptical and turn my face red for I-don’t-care-how-long-it-takes…”

You get the drift. I know you do. Because it sounds like you too.

Leverage. It’s so important. I first heard the rich guy with terrible hair who has a TV show talk about it in his book. Of course, he was talking about financial leverage. But he honed or polished or sharpened my idea about the concept of leverage. And now I see it everywhere in my life.

Anyway, I started talking about my toasted ass, in the hot seat. And Abe did toast me. Being the wonderful teacher they are, they graciously played with me, in that teasing way they do, to illustrate a very fine but so-important-for-me-to-see point about language.

The power of our words. How we assemble them as we talk about our life. And I got my ass busted is what happened. Thankfully, getting your ass toasted or busted is easier while you are simultaneously laughing it off.

We went into several places during the conversation. I am still allowing it all in, and watching beliefs crumble and dissolve right before my eyes. Scary and exhilarating. And still later, more new thoughts and ideas swirl around my consciousness… some parts of it more new and recently awakened… and others still in the process of awakening.

Everyday. I find I awaken more. With each new day, what is within me calls again. Like it always has. Like it always will. In a disguise so simple, that my hard, plan-y way of doing it would have never considered the possibility of it.

So for now, until I do the full blown, here-I-am-in-all-my-nakedness with first, a room of at least 600 people and then, all of you.

I want to wait to share the audio track with you. I want to process it more and write about it. Because it’s been so juicy. So so juicy. And trust me, it’s also been terribly uncomfortable as well. I’ve thought, at times, I might be punishing myself for getting into the chair. Like, I get a super-duper high and so toss myself out for a super-duper low. I really don’t know anymore. I sorta gave up caring about figuring any of it out about 24 hours ago. No shit. True story.

I’ve decided to stop justifying or explaining my position. And to tell the truth more. MY truth… about more of the things in the “I want” category that float around unspoken within me. The places I’ve withheld and hold back… thinking to myself, I can’t or it’s not right or it goes against… blah blah blah!

“You get to choose… and what you choose is right!”

And here I am. Here we are.

My track on the Abraham workshop recording is called “Freedom-seeking lady seeks lots of lovers…”

But it’s probably not what you think.

In fact, in my conversation with Abe, they point out, it’s probably not even what I think… meaning knowing what I really want, is often times unclear. And it doesn’t really matter. Because once I get to the place where the desire of wanting is satisfied (however the details of that are delivered), there will be a new desire created out of that understanding.

A new vantage point from which to leverage the rhythm of expansion.

After watching this video last night and again this morning, I was inspired to write this post. The video’s message pretty much encapsulates how I feel (at least for now) and why I asked the question I asked, when I got to the hot seat and Abraham spoke with “the freedom-seeking lady who wants lots of lovers.”

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Reverberations, part 3

December 25 – Photo

A present to yourself. Sift through all the photos of you from the past year. Choose one that best captures you; either who you are, or who you strive to be. Find the shot of you that is worth a thousand words. Share the image, who shot it, where, and what it best reveals about you.

Last weekend in October. Tri-City Park. Shot by my girlfriend Andrea Kay Elliott. I think, so far, these photos best reveal me. Period.

December 24 Prompt – Everything’s OK

What was the best moment that could serve as proof that everything is going to be alright? And how will you incorporate that discovery into the year ahead? (Author: Kate Inglis)

So many “Everything’s OK” moments. In fact, around early October, I began looking for them, on purpose. And now they show up every single day.

In a street sign. In a song. In someone else’s post or tweet or Facebook update. In an email. In a dream. In text messages. A smile. In the way I can see my reflection in your shining eyes. And in the time you take to explain it to me so I can understand.

December 23 – New Name

Let’s meet again, for the first time. If you could introduce yourself to strangers by another name for just one day, what would it be and why? (Author: Becca Wilcott)

omg! i'm wanda!

December 22 – Travel

How did you travel in 2010? How and/or where would you like to travel next year? (Author: Tara Hunt)

Sedona, a Mexican Riviera cruise, home to Oregon in August. Lots of little travel stints. And of course, mobilenotarytalin’ it which can be several small trips in one day. That was 2010.

I’m hoping Australia/New Zealand is drawing closer. I’m not sure I see the complete details of how it might happen in 2011. You never know though and I like looking forward to it. For now, I have two web clients down under and you can bet I’ll be making friends with them and possibly asking to borrow a couch or visit couchsurfing.org. 🙂

December 21 – Future Self

Imagine yourself five years from now. What advice would you give your current self for the year ahead? (Bonus: Write a note to yourself 10 years ago. What would you tell your younger self?) (Author: Jenny Blake)



December 20 – Beyond Avoidance

What should you have done this year but didn’t because you were too scared, worried, unsure, busy or otherwise deterred from doing? (Bonus: Will you do it?) (Author: Jake Nickell)

I hinted at this. Several times actually. In December 13’s Action prompt, I said straight out, “To talk into this video camera, that’s been set-up in my office for three months and pretend it’s you.” And December 18th’s Try is mostly all about it too.

The true story about this is I wanted to do a video, for a new thing I created in my web business. I thought a video of me telling you the story of why I created the thing would be a good idea. Plus, I’ve been being nudged from a few of the people assigned to nudging me… a video will go far. It will!? Hmm, how far do I want to go?

I finally stopped shoulding myself about it all, just like the Try post said… “Until eventually, I gave up.”

This video… A video… will come when it comes. It’s more important for me to relax and have fun with this. Avoidance can only last so long. It serves its purpose well too, because eventually, it brings me back around to asking what’s really important to me (realignment). For now, my focus is to remember to have fun. When I’m ready for more, fun & I will see you in a video 😉

December 19 – Healing

What healed you this year? Was it sudden, or a drip-by-drip evolution? How would you like to be healed in 2011? (Author: Leonie Allan)

This year, I had a healing in perception. Seriously. It’s something I focus on every single day now. How I see things.

Sometimes, it feels like I can feel my perception healing. Like when I’m brave enough to be voice-to-voice with someone else, sifting through a misunderstanding. Or just maintaining a level of clarity in the conversation, requires sorting through each of our perceptions… and figuring out what is really going on.

The other speaks. You listen. And you hear the thoughts inside your head, changing shape. Dissolving even. You look inside your head and realize everything has changed. And that everything is only one thing… perception.

In 2011, may we all continue to heal our perception of how we are different from one another. May we go even further in the contemplation of ourselves and consider we are no different than Source itself. A living, breathing, physical expression of the Divine. May each of us go from perceiving our Divinity, to knowing it.

Next year, my wish for healing is to be reminded constantly of my Divine nature. To treat myself (and others) accordingly. Relaxing more each moment, into my Divine self.

There’s a love that’s Divine, and it’s yours and it’s mine… ~Van Morrison, Have I Told You Lately

December 18 – Try

What do you want to try next year? Is there something you wanted to try in 2010? What happened when you did / didn’t go for it? (Author: Kaileen Elise)

Next year – more in-person social media events… okay, one will do. One would… I mean will… be plenty for me.

Try in 2010 – naturally, all I can think about is what I didn’t do last year; that I really wanted to do. I guess, the compassionate me that trusts the process and all that, would say it’s in progress. And it is. But it really doesn’t help me feel better about it.

This is what is so distasteful to me about the word Try. It feels full of effort. And this year was all about easy. All year long I practiced being more & more aware of when I make it harder for myself. Or trying.

Until eventually, I gave up.

I said to myself, “No more trying. This will come when it comes. And, I need to find satisfaction with where I am with this or nothing will ever move.” So, that’s what I’m doing. Looking for the reasons to be satisfied with everything I did do in 2010.

More than satisfied. Because there’s a reason I put off doing what I really wanted to do. Resistance is under there. And wouldn’t it be better if I brought hopefulness or better yet, a positive expectation of how it might all turn out? Instead of beating myself up for not doing the thing I wanted to do?

So there. I tried. Trying just didn’t work for me. Or stopped working for me. A while ago. Last year, to be exact.

Trying has been replaced with knowing. And I am knowing that 2011 will be the best yet.

December 17 – Lesson Learned

What was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year? And how will you apply that lesson going forward? (Author: Tara Weaver)

See December 5th – Let go in Reverberations, part 1.

December 16 – Friendship

How has a friend changed you or your perspective on the world this year? Was this change gradual, or a sudden burst? (Author: Martha Mihalick)

grateful 4 the truthtellers in my life. those friends who help me see what i can't, hear what i don't and lead me back endlessly 2my own truth
Reverb10.com. An annual event and online initiative to reflect on your year and manifest what’s next. The end of the year is an opportunity to reflect on what’s happened, and to send out reverberations for the year ahead. With Reverb10, you can do both!

Designing A Vision

Web Designer. It’s a title I hold, that I don’t take too lightly. In fact, my recently dissed inferiority beliefs whisper to me about not being a real one all the time.

Design has so many connotations. I feel sometimes, too small to be included in such a rich and diverse crowd called “Designers.”

But I do know a lot about it. And like any other artist, the way I express it is unique to me. It doesn’t mean I have to know all the ways the art can be expressed in order to express my own. I can still just do my thang.

Last week I talked about the pipeline I first saw in the shower. And if you glance at the photo, it’s pretty easy to see I’m heading into a massive design session with several new clients.

I’m attempting to space things out as much as I can. But I’m not exactly sure what I’m doing at all. I’ve never been this busy with this many design projects at once.

I’ve asked a few new biz ops if they don’t mind waiting until November 1 to begin our optimystical adventure in web presencing themselves. Never done that either. I’m not sure what I was so freaked out about. I guess I was afraid they would say this isn’t a good fit because timelines don’t match and then my habit of taking it personally would get inflamed. Or that, in some way I’m holding out my hand to the universal flow of abundance and saying “stop!” Either way, I sense that whatever I am thinking about, is taking me out of it (a flow of well-being).

And I was pleasantly surprised, when I asked for what I think I needed (time and space between the flow of the projects coming in). I experienced very little resistance really. It had only been my thinking up till now, that had been resistant.

New client says, “OK, I trust you” [insert intentional “sink in” pause here].

I think I need to read that one a few thousand times and let it in… it’s a big deal to hear anyone in your web audience say they trust you. It means whatever they see you doing or saying, they believe is honest and true and genuine. And real. You trust what I’m showing you is who I am.

Jedi: Hello? Mynde! You are doing really really good.

I wondered this morning if I’m not just believing in scarcity again. This time around time and not having enough of it to do what I love AND be happy, well and expansive at once.

So I pondered what I wanted, instead of focusing on what scares me (telling cool people like you, who might be reading this, “I don’t have enough space for you!” …ugh)

What if there was enough time for all of it? And what if, even when there seemed not to be enough time, the people I’m collaborating with understood that too? And showed up relaxed and easy going with it (and when they didn’t, I didn’t give a shit. Not in a mean, uncaring way, but in the “I care more about feeling good, all the time” way?)

And what if  they actually read my 6 Ways to Stay Optimystical During Your Webification Process several times during the process (like I do). To remind myself how to successfully navigate this web presencing path (or any path), kindly, toward self and others?

Oh and what if they got that this web presencing thing isn’t all my responsibility? Like, I just don’t make this happen. It might seem like “Tah-duh!” but it aint’ that way. I promise you.  (And wait, what if I got all that too?) What if each of us really owned our collaborative parts, asking for what we needed, feeling our way through it, with an attitude of friendliness toward it all?

What if when we each noticed uncomfortable, we did something different? We learned how to sit in it a little longer. Or we became curious instead? Or we discovered courage to say it out loud to each other?

And what if in this heavy design phase I’m about to enter with several wonderful “You’s that have already said Yes” I get clearer in my own biz process for what works and what doesn’t? And that scales out in a helpful expansive way so that I’m synchronistically connected to those I’m meant to serve? You. Me. Us. We. Each just showing up?

And what if, I just relaxed a little bit about it all. Trusted myself a bit more. Found the Love that is already here. And wrote more love notes to myself?

It’s a vision. By design.

We all are designers of some kind.

Designing our lives with the thoughts we think about most.

  • Where do your predominant thoughts rest?
  • Do you feel driven by your thoughts?

In my world I envision myself with no more fear of “not enough.” I’m noticing more often, what I’m thinking about and deciding if it truly supports me. I am intentionally choosing to direct my thoughts toward more life affirming visions. And my daily practice is living my life by design.

I’m Pregnant

We all are. In the process of giving birth. Have you felt it?

Each of us being individually activated. Living out our own personal dramas.

A Summer solstice, eclipses, the cardinal grand cross.

I personally have been experiencing my own resistance. Getting in my own way.

I know I’m doing it. I know what to do about it. But I choose to sit and stew.

Last week, I did hardly anything (that I thought I should be doing anyway). I spent a lot of time with Hulu and Netflix. Trying to escape the incessant voices in my head telling me how much work I had to do and reminding me there are people waiting for me.

I did walk every single day. A small reprieve from thinking I’ve completely given up on myself.

I also wrote a post that I think is the beginning of my next big thing. I guess that’s why I didn’t publish it, feeling it’s not-done-ness. It’s still in that part of the creative process that remains fuzzy and unclear to me. Like looking at things under water.

I admitted out loud to several of my people that I’m mending a broken heart.

Every time I speak to someone, right now, I hear about how much is shifting all around them. Many of us experiencing huge internal transformations whose ripples will color our summer of 2010 one none of us will soon forget.

Forget crossing through thresholds. We are propelled into new realities where what we think about life, our selves, and our relationship to it is radically unclear.

Consciousness rising.

In any case, I’m reminded of important thing number one. And that is, to surround myself with people who adore me landed by the one & only duck + @havi. (I can’t seem to find the original post I read where she said this, but she did. And if you’re curious, she does mention the word “adore” in this one, which is basically along the same lines.)

People, who when I connect with them, I feel more free to be me. Not aware of any filtering of any kind. Just simply expressing myself in all my optimystical (or lack thereof) glory.

My people are midwives, a coach, a special girl named Andrea, a few friends. The kind of people where you can sit in your shit and they just hold your hand with you.

And important thing number two I’m actually constantly working on making important thing number one which is upping the ante on self-adoration. The underlying key to everything really.

What can I do today to adore myself?

Yeah, adore my self.

Simple choices. Like walking. Drinking water. Listening to good music. Petting the cat. Emptying the trash. Doing the dishes. Putting the top down on the Miata. Saying I love you. And later tonight, Taco Tuesday with my honeybee.

Being pregnant is about nurturing ourselves. Being in the process of letting in and letting go. Trusting what’s coming. Even when it’s not terribly clear.

Today, I’m adoring myself by remembering not to hold on too tight and to enjoy the ride (thank you James Taylor).