That Day In The Garden

What I imagine the apple said to Eve on that day in the garden…

“Life will break you.

Nobody can protect you from that,

and living alone won’t either,

for solitude will also break you with its yearning.

You have to love.

You have to feel.

It is the reason you are here on earth.

You are here to risk your heart.

You are here to be swallowed up.

And when it happens that you are broken,

or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near,

let yourself sit by an apple tree

and listen to the apples falling

all around you in heaps,

wasting their sweetness.

Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.”

Eva Herzigova in El Jardín Secreto de Eva’ (Eva’s Secret Garden), El Pais Moda, March 2010. Original photo by Giampaolo Sgura.

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You Get To Choose

… and what you choose is right.”

So much seems to have spun out of control during the month of March. The astrological directive with Uranus changing signs and returning after 84-years to what’s referred to as the Aries point… Aries being the beginning. Think about the essence of “And God said, Let there be Light!” It’s big-time birthing energy. It’s spring and Aries energy contains the promise of renewal.

Uranus shakes things up. Status quo being it’s mortal enemy. We must go with any changes that unfold at this time… no matter how shocking or strange. For at the end of what feels chaotic and uncomfortable, will be a new found freedom to express greater autonomy. One that celebrates our individual uniqueness. And the underlying principle of an expanding universe… diversity.

Since landing my ass in Abraham’s hot seat in San Diego on March 5th (and I think also because I put myself, rather unknowingly, on a certain trajectory once I choose to focus on 40 Days of Alignment) combined with some rather powerful astrological personal transits I’m experiencing… many things are shifting.

Ringing in my ears, I hear a friend sharing his own experience. He’s saying that if he had known where he was going before he went, he wouldn’t have gone. Or something like that. Actually, I don’t think that’s quite right… it feels disempowering. But I think you get it.

Maybe it’s about knowing the plan. And recognizing our need to sort it all out, in our heads first. Or at least, as much as we can.

If we knew what the entire plan involved, we would have never set out on the journey. Mostly thinking some of the steps involved were out of reach and sometimes impossible for us to even consider (conscious vs. unconscious).

Letting go of the need to plan. The need to know, in that way at least. To know because you have a plan (tangled up with attachments to certain outcomes) versus to know because you are certain things are always working out for your good.

Two different angles here.

Or launching points you’ll here me say. Because the point from which you launch off into anything, matters beyond what you may have ever considered before.

I discovered just how much leverage is in this juicy tid-bit when I decided to find alignment to my physical body’s well-being last fall. For nearly the last 30 years or so, my inner languaging about it has sounded completely different and very disempowering. It went, “I hate this roll on my belly.” Or sometimes, “She can’t be a size 10, I’m going to climb on that fuckin’ elliptical and turn my face red for I-don’t-care-how-long-it-takes…”

You get the drift. I know you do. Because it sounds like you too.

Leverage. It’s so important. I first heard the rich guy with terrible hair who has a TV show talk about it in his book. Of course, he was talking about financial leverage. But he honed or polished or sharpened my idea about the concept of leverage. And now I see it everywhere in my life.

Anyway, I started talking about my toasted ass, in the hot seat. And Abe did toast me. Being the wonderful teacher they are, they graciously played with me, in that teasing way they do, to illustrate a very fine but so-important-for-me-to-see point about language.

The power of our words. How we assemble them as we talk about our life. And I got my ass busted is what happened. Thankfully, getting your ass toasted or busted is easier while you are simultaneously laughing it off.

We went into several places during the conversation. I am still allowing it all in, and watching beliefs crumble and dissolve right before my eyes. Scary and exhilarating. And still later, more new thoughts and ideas swirl around my consciousness… some parts of it more new and recently awakened… and others still in the process of awakening.

Everyday. I find I awaken more. With each new day, what is within me calls again. Like it always has. Like it always will. In a disguise so simple, that my hard, plan-y way of doing it would have never considered the possibility of it.

So for now, until I do the full blown, here-I-am-in-all-my-nakedness with first, a room of at least 600 people and then, all of you.

I want to wait to share the audio track with you. I want to process it more and write about it. Because it’s been so juicy. So so juicy. And trust me, it’s also been terribly uncomfortable as well. I’ve thought, at times, I might be punishing myself for getting into the chair. Like, I get a super-duper high and so toss myself out for a super-duper low. I really don’t know anymore. I sorta gave up caring about figuring any of it out about 24 hours ago. No shit. True story.

I’ve decided to stop justifying or explaining my position. And to tell the truth more. MY truth… about more of the things in the “I want” category that float around unspoken within me. The places I’ve withheld and hold back… thinking to myself, I can’t or it’s not right or it goes against… blah blah blah!

“You get to choose… and what you choose is right!”

And here I am. Here we are.

My track on the Abraham workshop recording is called “Freedom-seeking lady seeks lots of lovers…”

But it’s probably not what you think.

In fact, in my conversation with Abe, they point out, it’s probably not even what I think… meaning knowing what I really want, is often times unclear. And it doesn’t really matter. Because once I get to the place where the desire of wanting is satisfied (however the details of that are delivered), there will be a new desire created out of that understanding.

A new vantage point from which to leverage the rhythm of expansion.

After watching this video last night and again this morning, I was inspired to write this post. The video’s message pretty much encapsulates how I feel (at least for now) and why I asked the question I asked, when I got to the hot seat and Abraham spoke with “the freedom-seeking lady who wants lots of lovers.”

Wellness & Alignment

In the book Money & The Law of Attraction, I was surprised to discover that money was not the primary focus on the book.

There are really three sections: one reviews principles of Law of Attraction (pivoting & positive aspects), another section on money (obviously), and the last and largest section of the book is about health & wellness.

Why would health & wellness be put before the topics of money/abundance or even the all time favorite for most of us, relationships and love?

Here’s the nugget I got. A teeny piece of clarity that I took action on. It didn’t feel full of effort either, the decision to do something. It felt more like inspiration.

In the physical world, with my physical body, I experience this life. Even though (I believe) there is a larger part of each of us that remains connected to that which created it all or Source.

Abraham sort of drove home for me, in the larger part of this book that had a title about money but which was really about health & wellness, that if feeling good (or better) is the primary condition for easing myself into alignment, if I can feel good in my physical body, it will serve as a sort of filter for my entire physical experience.

The body being the major actor in our whole life experience, if it’s functioning at its optimal state of health & wellness, can be one of the primary ways we get in touch with states of feeling good.

When you talk with people who are at the top of the physical wellness game, its obvious the confidence they feel and how on fire about life they are. And the primary motivation behind that fire, is that they feel good within themselves. They are, in fact, practicing a form of self appreciation.

So, something clicked that day for me. About how I could use my body as a filter, to pre-pave the entirety of my physical experience, through the feel-goodedness I could create within my physical wellbeing.

I kinda felt like I had picked up on some important tip here. That I seemed to have missed up until now.

What does this have to do with building lists?

Well, certainly your physical wellness is a primary segment of life to focus on. I’ve told you why body or wellness in general became my primary focus, initially in this process of playing with these techniques.

And you can sit down and begin a positive aspect list for your wellness and your body (including mental, spiritual, emotional aspects as well).

And if you decide you want to use your body, in the same way I have, then if you choose to build a list of positive aspects about your wellness, you will be launching off into alignment with that desire with much more intent, focus, clarity, mojo… whatever you call it. (Abraham refers to it as the energy that creates worlds, so the power to be a creator?)

As opposed to doing it the way I’ve approached my wellness most of my entire life until now. Which is, that I would launch off into the wellness journey from the foundation or platform of “I really can’t stand this part of myself, or how I look in a picture/on video or how I feel in my clothes…” and on and on. If you’re a woman, I know she hears this and, unfortunately, it’s familiar.

So creating a list of positive aspects puts us, at a minimum, in a state of neutrality (we’ve ceased thinking the self-loathing thoughts) and sometimes even better is we get shot into the future picture of our wellness and we begin to call it with our focus or attention to the list of positive shizzle we just wrote down.

In bed at night, I think about having the body that gives me the most pleasure to have. How wonderful my body is, that my cells know and understand wellness automatically! With or without my participation. And now imagine if I’m participating in my wellness?

What if I got in line with that future wellness picture and started living it right here, right now? If only in small segments of my imagination at first.

And then I go walk. Or eat. Get dressed. Drink a glass of water. Or just take a few moments to completely and thoroughly enjoy several deep slow breathes. The abundance of air that I can fill my lungs with and then how easily I release, let go, relax and exhale… not even thinking twice about whether or not there will be enough oxygen for the next one. Just automatically enjoying all that I need, right here, in this moment.

What if, you set out on your journey to wellness, using a launching pad of acknowledging those things which you desire and how it will feel to be in alignment with those desires? And what if, you made peace with your body where you are right now with it, by simply looking for qualities of wellness that you/your body already possess?

I hope you’re taking the time to create your lists of positive aspects. Today I hope you’ll consider your own journey toward wellness. Writing down the specific qualities of your wellness. How you are feeling in your body, about your body. It doesn’t matter if your current reality doesn’t match where you are going. The here & now is only temporary. You are just passing through. On your way toward alignment.

In the final days of 40 days of Alignment, I’ve invited a few favorite people to share in a guest post, their ideas about alignment and what it means for them. You’ll be hearing from my wellness coach/friend/colleague, Lisa Capehart, the lovely Jessica Reagan Salzman will share her alignment & money slant, and finally, Judy Kinney will stop by with some perspectives on LOVE & relationships. I’m really excited about sharing these women with you and hoping some of their perspectives will help you consider items for your lists of positive aspects for those subjects.

xomm.

No Regrets, Forest Sun

[This is a video post, so you might need to click through if you’re reading this via email or RSS.]

This week flew by in a blurred whoosh. I heard a few songs that captivated me. I stopped, thought and relished.

But the truth is, this song hooked me about 3 or 4 weeks ago when I first heard it on Pandora. At the time, I was reflecting about the past, about a relationship, about the various relationships I’ve had with myself.  And of course, others in my life who’ve touched me in special ways and… thinking about how the relationship itself didn’t exactly turn out the way I’d planned or hoped.

More goodbyeing here… in the continued vein and seasonal invitation to let go and discover… grace where it’s been sore and bruised, vulnerable and protected.

No Regrets by Forest Sun

Forest Sun “No Regrets” (6 of 8) Folk Music from San Francisco from One Night Music on Vimeo.

darling, no regrets.
I’m so glad we met.
and even though we made a mess,
I’m glad that we said yes…
darling, no regrets.

you know I love you still,
and I always will.
and love is not a test,
I know we did our best..
darling, no regrets

oh darling, no regrets
oh darling, no regrets

darling, no regrets
here’s to your success…
may all you do be blessed,
I wish you every happiness…
darling, no regrets.

oh darling, no regrets
oh darling, no regrets

How The BP Oil Spill Got Me Thinking About Integrity

So this is just Mynde here. No Jedi. I think she’s napping actually.

I’ve been thinking about the BP oil spill. I may be late to the game. I think I was in Law of Attraction denial, not wanting to look at it. But then I remembered, you can’t do it wrong and it’s never finished.

So go ahead. Look at it.

I watched the Ustream channel for about 30 seconds. I could barely stand it. And I was sitting down.

I thought about the Spaceship Enterprise. Stay with me here. I know I said the Jedi is napping and I don’t mean to mix my sci-fi metaphors.

I could see on the movie screen of my mind, Captain Kirk’s first officer talking about integrity breaches in the hull of the ship. And the ship then being, de-stabilized.

I thought about the earth, having a leak in her own hull. And her blood spilling out all over the ocean.

And then I thought about my own integrity. And where am I leaking?

And I realized that so many things, recently, have been about adjustments. Coming to terms with my own personal truth on certain subjects and especially in relationships. And coming into greater alignment with my own personal integrity.

Looking at integrity as an energy system. And what I’m doing regularly to keep my integrity strengthened. What activities do I engage in regularly that help me with this?

And also looking at where my energy is leaking. Where is my focus? How is my attention? What am I looking at repeatedly that might be disempowering?

A lot of people I’m talking to have been sharing with me either grand realizations, like game-changing ones or have been in the process changing alignment in many personal relationships.

So I’m personally taking an incredible leap here. You can come or just say I’m silly.

But if we are all connected… What if we are all regaining or realigning to more integrity? Whatever that looks like for you personally.

And what if, by doing my own inner work of living from a greater level of integrity, it helped to heal not only myself, but the earth too?

Look. I know there is only so much in my control about this situation. I can tune in and hear it all and listen to how another corporation is putting profit ahead of life itself, but I feel like shit when I do.

So instead, I’m going to put all my attention and focus on helping myself to find greater integrity in my own life.

And pray that somehow, someway, it’s all connected and it will help restore wholeness not only within my own integrity, but also help the situation in the Gulf. At least until I can figure out what else I can do. Other than banging on the same drum of assigning blame, determining the impact of the loss; financially, ecologically, everything. And all the other ways people are slicing and dicing this.

I know it’s radical. And maybe I should wake the Jedi. But I decided to let her sleep and just pick one of the topics bouncing around in my head/heart and start writing. Write it down. (OK, now see? We just began waking Sleeping Beauty from her slumber).

Even if it is too far out or maybe you’ve had similar thoughts and ideas about this situation. Either way, please think about sharing them in the comment section below. I’m interested in hearing them.

  • What is integrity to you?
  • What crazy ideas have you had about the oil spill that might not be exactly related to mainstream conversation?
  • How are you coping with the disaster? What are you telling yourself about it?
  • Do you think we are each individually connected to it? In what ways? And what do we do with that? With the awareness or possibility that, yes, I am connected?

Petitioning Your Jedi

It’s quiet. Not dead quiet of course because, per usual, I’m sorting things out (with myself) up here on this breezy window ledge. Only this time, I’m using pen and paper…

Dear Jedi,
I wanted to talk with you today about my need to be persuasive. And how often it shows up.

I’ve had a few challenging moments with relationships in particular the last year or so. And I’m noticing how hard I’m working at being persuasive. I guess with the wrong people. And I guess, in the larger scope, the need to be persuasive at all kinda points at something else entirely, doesn’t it?

Like maybe I’m not enough without it.

So I wanted to make a declaration today… about how I’m engaging with others and how I’m showing up with myself.

I’m really tired of working so hard at trying to be understood. Really working at that. And cultivating the perfect string of words to do it in. So no one takes it the wrong way. I just want to say right now, I’m really tired. And it doesn’t feel good. So I’m really ready to let this go and start understanding myself better.

I’m also tired of thinking that if I’m compassionate, the other person will be too. Hoping that will happen. Instead of just recognizing that it’s not available for me and that it’s not even the other person’s responsibility to give it to me. And it’s not even really about me at all. Not in the way that I think. I’m ready to see this more clearly and I know I’m getting better at it everyday. I’m ready to be kind with myself more than with any other. As I figure out how to love myself better.

And, lastly, since we’re talking about giving up persuasion… I’m tired of leaning too much into my head for understanding. Instead of recognizing what my heart is already saying. Over and over. About understanding. And what we do in and during a misunderstanding. My heart has a different perspective on all of it, and a wisdom I can really trust.

And Jedi, could you be kind enough to occasionally help me remember that I don’t need to be persuasive about anything at all?

Help me remember that I can just show up and be enough. I can come right to the moment and accept and approve of myself. And it’s gonna be a whole lot better than anything that persuasion might cook up.

And so this is my petition to you, dear Jedi, and to my inner knowing. A declaration. I have decided.

Thanks for being up here with me. Oh and persuasion, thank you too.

Love,
mm.

If you’re ready for a personal declaration on some of your stuff, so am I and I’ve got a plan…

Choices & Intersections

I’ve been thinking about relationships lately. Relationships as intersections. And people and destiny. And all that fated stuff.

And how, in the intersections, we get connected.  What is the magic that is that connection? For two people. Connections like the ones with our children, our lovers, our clients and our teachers (the ones helping us continue to expand and experience more).

And I’ve been thinking about powerful people. And when a particular intersection feels destined or fated. And what it’s like to have big things rattling you and disintegrating your attention. And it more than rattles your attention, it wakes you up! From a dream where you might not have thought you were even sleeping.

And then, with the attention span of a gnat, wondering to myself, “Where did my focus go?” Oh. Yeah. It’s over there. On that. The thing that has my attention. The thing that’s waking me up.

Whatever that thing is… there is this fated quality about it. It feels a little bigger than the rest of everything else. Maybe because I thought I was already awake, but I’m beginning to realize that I don’t think I really was. That it’s a little scary to contemplate how much I don’t know.

I get overwhelmed quickly. By my thoughts trying to figure it all out. Because I’m also realizing that with everything I think I know, the less I understand. Really understand.

I’m not sure I ever do. At some point, it becomes easier to just surrender to that oblivion. I understand nothing. And yet have the means to creatively summon together endless forms of possibility becoming new universes.

Really?

Well this is probably what clinging looks like then.

Fate or Something Else?

I like that when something “fated-ish” happens in my life, I can look at it from an astrological perspective and always find a finger pointing back at reality. This is comforting to me. Helping to soothe a part of my nature that seeks security in all forms (Taurus). Telling the Bull she can relax into the rhythms of the unknown and discover what looks or feels like chaos is really an orchestration in divine perfection.

Using astrology, I can also continue to support myself in the midst of transition. The evolutionary constant. Astrology helps me see what pattern or cycle is already being supported within the underlying context of some great big divine order.

And when it comes to the people, who I’m sharing my life with, well astrology just keeps uncovering. Some kind of explanation for what words have a hard time translating. Only what the heart and regions of the heart can know and for which there is an entirely different language. With astrology, I can see the connections.

Why the “it” from before woke me up. Connections. Why I’m waking up. Connections. Where I am waking up. Some awakenings happening slowly, like a gentle sunrise. Some are more abrupt. Having the energy of a locomotive. You cry out, “What freakin’ train just hit me?” Connections.

Connection energy is palpable. I appreciate noticing its force and suddenness because then I know it’s real. When it’s that sometimes slow and methodically constant, turning the giant wheels in the sky, moving us through time and space, I’m dreaming again and don’t know it.

Using astrology has helped me understand me better. And give myself room. Room for stuff I’ve had a hard time seeing before. Parts of me that judge good & bad, or insists on rushing it, or is really good at ignoring it or denying myself. No, you can’t have that. But why can’t I?

Oh ok, Saturn is involved. The cop that says stop. Ok. I get that. I really get that.

Using astrology helps me understand the people in my life better too. Also giving me understanding about the dynamics of what gets created when we unite our intention, the relationship itself. It is its own thing.

Everything is. Anything born. A business. A nation. A child.

A season. Which astrology is ultimately all about. The seasons of change. Cycles. Movement. Nature. Math. Ugh, yes math. A lot actually. Thank goodness for computers!

Is destiny real? Within each intersection, who or what decides the connection? Will we hang out for a while or just simply pass each other by? Are some of those intersections fated? And maybe it’s not so much the meeting itself that is karmic, but what we choose to say or do to each other in the intersection?

Choices & intersections.

Timing

Intersections come and go in life. Everyday. All the time.

Literally as frequently as each stop sign in traffic. Interesting. To me.

We have intersections on the road of life. At some of them we stop and chat. We connect. Sometimes we end up hanging out, for a while. A time for sharing great love.

Other times, we pass each other by without ever thinking twice about connecting on a deeper level. There is a deeper level ‘calling’ that comes, urging us forward into an uncertainty. And in those crossing-the-intersection moments, we are never called. The urge never appears and we don’t go deeper.

And sometimes, it feels like we’ve connected and yet the intersection is almost not existent. Feeling like life rushed us by it in a swirl of hurry and we can never go back. Or at least, feel challenged to see the possibility of a next-time intersection. And yet the calling is still present. A desire to connect, hang out, create great love.

And sometimes the urge is there, and the wanting to reach into the deepness and we simply don’t allow ourselves to have that voice, to accept what we want and create the space in the intersection.

So I’m thinking about how I will be using my intersections.

Noticing and nurturing who is showing up? And having deep gratitude for the awareness of my intersections.

And then cherishing a bit more. Some intersections are fast & freaky. Some are long and lovely. And I want to cherish it all, not comparing one to the another. Just allowing my heart to take in what is available to me. And allow to flow past me with deep gratitude, the things that are meant to flow past me. Being grateful for the intersection. Learning to trust and have faith in the deeper undercurrent of Divine Order.

And how wonderful it all really is.

Contentment is golden. The real way to raise above wants is not to want anything. If it comes, let it come. If it goes, wonderful, let it go. @SwSatchidananda