Who *Really* Loves Ya, Baby?!

This post is about the high cost of saying Yes to wrong-for-you people.

I had been asking the universe for some confirmation, on what I was about to do; the decision I had come to.

This year has been such a painful learning process around discovering the value of working with people who strengthen me. Painful sometimes is needed so we can really get it.

I won’t say I don’t mind the pain, because I do. I’m human and would prefer it to be different.

I’m not gonna tell you that I’ve been able to put that pain aside because I now know what it has been diligently working to reveal to my awareness.

The pain is there. It’s real. And knowing that working with the right kind of people is critical, as-in, life-or-death in this new-entrepreneurial-world, doesn’t change the pain. Only choosing better who I’ll say Yes to next time does.

And next time is here. It seems to be always here. Now. Right when you get it, you get to play with it. And see if it’s true for you.

Life yields the circumstances for me to put what I’ve become aware of right into my process. Pretty impressive this universe; how clever and right on time it is.

My process for thriving and growing and expanding got all out of balance this year. By saying yes to the wrong people. And because I understand the law of attraction is always at work, and how to take responsibility for my own self/thoughts, I only have deep gratitude for the ones who showed up to mirror my own lack of self-worth and constant undervaluing of myself I’ve been carrying around like a friggin’ pack mule.

Don’t get me wrong. I have also said yes to some amazingly right people. How do I know?

Easy is there; every single time.

Like in April, when I put out the mass communication to all my clients to say I needed self-care boundaries to nurture and honor my own creative throughput so I could keep delivering value to those who want what I offer. That I was basically burned out and admitting myself to “Urgent Self-Care!” Stuff like guidelines for how & when to engage me, turnaround times on email communications based on giving priority to those clients who did not yet have a web presence vs. those who already did but continued to want/need my time & attention.

Easy was ninety percent of my clients who cheered me on in my big announcement. I think because where I was resonated with them. They had/have been there themselves. Each of them in their own unique ways, gladly encouraging and continuing to… be supportive toward me, even when it meant they’d be standing in line most of 2011 to get their lil baby web presence born with me as their mid-wife.

Hard was the other ten percent who got royally pissed off and fired my ass. “How could you…” they seethed, “adjust your priority toward yourself and not keep it with me?”

All my boogie monsters of insecurity came (and still come) roaring out of my closets. I’m still healing. I’m still learning. Just not at the super high expense of myself.

Today, I’ll say no. But I’ll do so before I get in to the engagement. More practice. Another moment to choose alignment with me or alignment to hard. It’s the kinda no that the old scared, devalued me shivers in scarcity at the thought of saying. Scarcity always thinks everything is a big fuckin’ rush and we’re gonna miss out if we don’t hurry up and get there! Get it launched or respond to my email in my timeframe, not yours. I’m keener now to this vibration showing up in people who desire to work with me.

My guiding yeses were… a conversation with a strengthening client and two songs; back-to-back on the radio, that played in my top-down miata this morning as I pulled into the garage after dropping the Honeybee at water polo practice.

In my client conversation, I was able to say to her, out loud, “My boogie monsters are up again and I’m feeling guilty/worried/anxiety about how long you’ve waited for me and that I haven’t delivered.”

And she says to me, “I love you!” She said more, but really, the bottom line in all she said was simply that. Full of trust in this process, in it’s timing (mine and hers which coincidentally is and has been perfect for us both).

So much easy here.

As I contemplated further… “Is this a true no from my Inner Being or is it from my ego’s necessity to be right?”

My inner being answered back immediately… first via Tom Petty and then immediately after came Hall & Oates.

Three messages. All in a pretty little row.

In my last post, I talked about the destruction self-doubt can have in the process of webifying and following our dreams. I told you about giving myself space to be with my self-doubt instead of reacting like I normally do, which has been to follow any lead but my own. I decided to make peace with my self-doubt. Give it room and me time. In neutral. Or, as much non-judgment as possible.

And today, my doubty-ness actually held out its hand back toward me, to accept my peace offering of acknowledgement. Today, me & my self-doubt actually worked something out together. You might say our own version of happily ever after.

Instead of heading down that old familiar road of what do I need to do here to prove my value? Self-doubt said, “If you no longer needed me, what would you know here?”

You can prove it or you can know it. Your worth. Your value. Your gifts. What strengthens you. Who and what doesn’t.

Listen, I know I talk about some balls-out stuff on my blog. Things you think you might not ever say out loud or in writing on your own. And holding back is total bullshit. It doesn’t have to be that way. Just ask yourself what you really want and what you find yourself really attracted to… it’s telling the truth. It’s being who you are. It’s knowing your own contribution/value, and not hiding from what others will think and say about it when you bring it.

You and me both know, we don’t want to be treated any less than what we feel we are worth. Nor do we want to be challenged by people who constantly call us to task to prove ourselves, our loyalty, our commitment… to them. If we continue to engage with those who do not strengthen, support and celebrate who we are… our inner being will constantly cry out, “Don’t Do Me Like That” until we decide, “I Can’t Go For That.”

This is the learning that’s culminated for me, halfway through my 2011. Which for some of you may not be new truth, but I’m trusting that sharing it in my bring-it-balls-out style, you’ll hear what’s important for you to hear. Your inner being will set your skin on fire with the goosebumps that say ‘You are so worth it!’ Every struggle, every challenge, every tear. And in knowing this deeply, you’ll be empowered to know when it’s time to say, No thank you when the wrong-for-you people show up.

Feeling this or something and wanna say so?  Comment box below is all yours.

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King of Swords

What is your hurry?

Trust me. Enjoy the moments you have right now. Otherwise, you will have plenty of time in your elder years to regret the time you are not enjoying now.

Why are you so worried and anxious?

This is another area of life I’m familiar with. Life is crumpled up and tossed away on worry and stress. Rule your life with a kingly confidence that all things will work out for you. One way or another, in time, they will.

What is the purpose of your battle?

In all my years, I learned the first and most important battle we must win is the war waged in mind. Once we conquer discrepancy in our thoughts, we can begin to master a time of peace throughout all realms.

Business & Alignment

A lot shifts, when you begin focusing on your alignment.

Most times, those shifts are not the ones I expect. Or daydream of. They’re usually beyond what I could imagine dreaming on my own.

My 40-day-alignment series has concluded. I challenged myself to show up more. Here on my blog. To write and share more. I guess to show up more in my life really… when I even thought to choose Alignment as my word for 2011.

40-Days was me, on a major run at getting in alignment. Making it my #1 priority. The best I could. Over “approximately” 40-days-or-so.

The soft deadlines, not knowing each morning what I would write about (I had a rough conceptual outline consisting of 4 bullet points I wished to cover). All on purpose. Intentionally giving myself room, not to try too hard at this. Let it be easy (my 2010 word).

And here we are. A quiet fallow period last week (hat tip to Dian Reid).

Except it hasn’t been quiet, although it may seem that way to you. Behind the scenes, my life is exploding with growth and change that seems all too much to share, even everyday, here on my blog.

One of the biggest changes that happened last week (well really over the process of several weeks and probably longer) is that my focus shifted to my business. It was requested actually. It became increasingly clear to me that I needed to discover greater alignment in my business with the services I offer and what I was charging for them.

So, if you look closely, you’ll see changes in my business. Adjustments that help me feel more in alignment. Certainly on-going and forthcoming in many other areas of my business and life. The nature of everything, really. Change.

Except my change is now guided by this idea about my alignment. About looking forward in my life and thinking about the things that elicit visceral emotional activity within me. The good kind of course. And I’m letting those good feelings guide me to the next step for today.

I can trust the good feelings. I can trust good. I’m still experiencing a bit of resistance here, in the area of trust, so I sort of soothe and appreciate the resistance and bingo, there is a letting go that happens. A shift. A realignment. Simply by softening the resistance. It’s a whole other angle to work and explore if you are deliberately teaching yourself about your alignment like I am.

I’m finding more and more, that alignment for me, is about standing up in my life. It’s about aligning an outer worldly self with my inner being, which is much bigger than my worldly self. It’s the part of me that is also you. It is the we, that is eternity. In that knowing, I’m inspired to stand up.

Stand Up, Dave Matthews Band

 

Wellness & Alignment

In the book Money & The Law of Attraction, I was surprised to discover that money was not the primary focus on the book.

There are really three sections: one reviews principles of Law of Attraction (pivoting & positive aspects), another section on money (obviously), and the last and largest section of the book is about health & wellness.

Why would health & wellness be put before the topics of money/abundance or even the all time favorite for most of us, relationships and love?

Here’s the nugget I got. A teeny piece of clarity that I took action on. It didn’t feel full of effort either, the decision to do something. It felt more like inspiration.

In the physical world, with my physical body, I experience this life. Even though (I believe) there is a larger part of each of us that remains connected to that which created it all or Source.

Abraham sort of drove home for me, in the larger part of this book that had a title about money but which was really about health & wellness, that if feeling good (or better) is the primary condition for easing myself into alignment, if I can feel good in my physical body, it will serve as a sort of filter for my entire physical experience.

The body being the major actor in our whole life experience, if it’s functioning at its optimal state of health & wellness, can be one of the primary ways we get in touch with states of feeling good.

When you talk with people who are at the top of the physical wellness game, its obvious the confidence they feel and how on fire about life they are. And the primary motivation behind that fire, is that they feel good within themselves. They are, in fact, practicing a form of self appreciation.

So, something clicked that day for me. About how I could use my body as a filter, to pre-pave the entirety of my physical experience, through the feel-goodedness I could create within my physical wellbeing.

I kinda felt like I had picked up on some important tip here. That I seemed to have missed up until now.

What does this have to do with building lists?

Well, certainly your physical wellness is a primary segment of life to focus on. I’ve told you why body or wellness in general became my primary focus, initially in this process of playing with these techniques.

And you can sit down and begin a positive aspect list for your wellness and your body (including mental, spiritual, emotional aspects as well).

And if you decide you want to use your body, in the same way I have, then if you choose to build a list of positive aspects about your wellness, you will be launching off into alignment with that desire with much more intent, focus, clarity, mojo… whatever you call it. (Abraham refers to it as the energy that creates worlds, so the power to be a creator?)

As opposed to doing it the way I’ve approached my wellness most of my entire life until now. Which is, that I would launch off into the wellness journey from the foundation or platform of “I really can’t stand this part of myself, or how I look in a picture/on video or how I feel in my clothes…” and on and on. If you’re a woman, I know she hears this and, unfortunately, it’s familiar.

So creating a list of positive aspects puts us, at a minimum, in a state of neutrality (we’ve ceased thinking the self-loathing thoughts) and sometimes even better is we get shot into the future picture of our wellness and we begin to call it with our focus or attention to the list of positive shizzle we just wrote down.

In bed at night, I think about having the body that gives me the most pleasure to have. How wonderful my body is, that my cells know and understand wellness automatically! With or without my participation. And now imagine if I’m participating in my wellness?

What if I got in line with that future wellness picture and started living it right here, right now? If only in small segments of my imagination at first.

And then I go walk. Or eat. Get dressed. Drink a glass of water. Or just take a few moments to completely and thoroughly enjoy several deep slow breathes. The abundance of air that I can fill my lungs with and then how easily I release, let go, relax and exhale… not even thinking twice about whether or not there will be enough oxygen for the next one. Just automatically enjoying all that I need, right here, in this moment.

What if, you set out on your journey to wellness, using a launching pad of acknowledging those things which you desire and how it will feel to be in alignment with those desires? And what if, you made peace with your body where you are right now with it, by simply looking for qualities of wellness that you/your body already possess?

I hope you’re taking the time to create your lists of positive aspects. Today I hope you’ll consider your own journey toward wellness. Writing down the specific qualities of your wellness. How you are feeling in your body, about your body. It doesn’t matter if your current reality doesn’t match where you are going. The here & now is only temporary. You are just passing through. On your way toward alignment.

In the final days of 40 days of Alignment, I’ve invited a few favorite people to share in a guest post, their ideas about alignment and what it means for them. You’ll be hearing from my wellness coach/friend/colleague, Lisa Capehart, the lovely Jessica Reagan Salzman will share her alignment & money slant, and finally, Judy Kinney will stop by with some perspectives on LOVE & relationships. I’m really excited about sharing these women with you and hoping some of their perspectives will help you consider items for your lists of positive aspects for those subjects.

xomm.

Living The Law Of Attraction

… it is through the clarity of your example…

About ten days ago, I was contacted by this guy. It felt like a kind of random event. I don’t get calls everyday like this call.

He leaves a voicemail saying he’s been inspired to connect with me after a visit to my website (I was very touched by this.)

I return his call, with some mild skepticism but mostly a lot of openness to possibility and some curiosity about what exactly he wanted or needed to speak to me about.

We chat. I “interview” him on the down-low to assure my own sense of safety and get a sense if this guy’s a freak or not. I know, not very Law of Attraction-ey of me (which he later calls me out for in the first 15 minutes of our first face-to-face conversation).

And this guy’s story is pretty wild. Wild enough to share it with you.

He’s living from a backpack. For about the last four years. Before this, he’d created all the trappings modern day offers us as tokens of success… marriage, children, businesses, employees, cars, real estate.

And in a some kind of moment, be it spiritual, religious, whatever… on a beach in Hawaii (all the details really are irrelevant) he received the impulse or inspiration to leave it all behind.

It’s funny because when you meet David, he is very ordinary. He didn’t strike me a super smart or super anything really. Just a guy. Taking a risk. He’s not all high-minded and lofty either. I sensed no victim energy around him at all. I did not feel obligated in anyway… I felt myself at times wanting to engage in old patterns of “taking care” so what I did was offer him what I could, which was a ride home.

The other thing you’ll notice about David, is his need (almost compulsive) to tell stories. His stories. Of what he’s experienced in the four years he’s been living in a backpack.

David will tell you that every single thing he needs is always provided for him. Always. His life is an adventure of watching that unfold every day. When you ask him what his plans are, he doesn’t know. He says his inspiration is his compass.

David wants to meet with me while he’s in Southern California so we make plans. And we eventually do at a Esther Hicks seminar in Los Angeles. He talks my head off. About coaching. About our shared beliefs on what we understand about ourselves and the universe. I never really question how David got there, whether he’s got a ticket. Sometimes, I can be unassuming to a fault. Other’s call this naïve.

Turns out, David has stood outside in the hallway most of the day, peeking in on Esther through cracks in the door, listening. He says to behind-the-scenes workshop staff, “I just know I’m supposed to be here” and everyone completely understands this.

He gets fed lunch and during the very last segment of the day, they tell him he can go in. David is beside himself. He believes he’s manifested all of this.

He sits beside me, practically bouncing with excitement and takes pictures with his iphone and gets a finger waged at him by another participant at the seminar, “You’re not supposed to take pictures!” she says. For some reason, this was very amusing to me that she felt compelled to correct him or make him play by the rules. Abraham would say otherwise, ha!

So David is quite content. Couple people go to the chair and Abraham asks for another question. Hands fly into the air per usual. Esther looks right at me & David. I notice David’s hand high in the air. He hadn’t raised it before that. The girl in front of us began to approach. Esther moved her pointed hand slightly. The girl stops. David says in shock, “ME?!”

Abraham says, “Second row” (my body is tingling even now as I recount this to you, so wonderful).

I say, “Buh bye David!”

David gallops up to the platform (I’m not kidding). With glee. Bouncing. SO excited. Like a contestant on the Price Is Right. He arrives in front of Esther at the platform, hops up and squeezes her, whispering something into her ear. Esther grabs one of her ears and embrace him back, smiling. People in the room are participating, fully engaged.

David sits down in the chair although his butt keeps bouncing up and down in it. He turns and says to the audience, “and I didn’t even buy a ticket!”

There is a beautiful unveiling of the theme of trying versus allowing. Through David’s sharing of a story, Abraham uses it to anchor for us all, that if we cling… if there is ANY clinginess, forcing, pushing, almost a willing something to be, what we want cannot come. It is only through relaxing, a letting go and deep surrender into what is, that our feet land upon the pathway of allowing.

I keep hearing Abraham say to me, personally, now is the time to allow what I’ve created. Now is the time to receive it. Now is the time to be free.

[This is a video post, so you might need to click through if you’re reading this via email or RSS.]

Catch Abraham & David’s conversation in these four videos on my YouTube playlist.

How The Game Is Played

Every time you’ve ever asked…

desired anything… You’ve requested it for one reason only… and that is because you think you’ll feel better in the having of it… And what you’re really asking for is alignment. Harmony, wholeness, validation of the goodness that is You.


[This is a video post, so you might need to click through if you’re reading this via email or RSS.]