eyelashes

On Wednesday, I had a personal moment. while in the bathroom applying my mascara, the thought crossed my mind for the umpteenth time.

“they’re all gonna fall out.”

and i felt my chest heave up. my nostrils flare open. i was sucking it in.

eventually, you have to let it go. and i did. my breath. and a ton of other girlie thoughts about them.

At my first oncology visit, the nurse practitioner was gazing over the doctor’s shoulder as he did the standard health check on me. gently pressing his stethascope into my chest, she stood behind him looking directly into my eyes.

“deep breathe in for me” he said.

me: (in breathe count of 5. one… two… three… four…)

“wow, you have amazing eyelashes!” she blurts out.

me: (i know and i’m gonna lose everyone of them)… … “Thanks!”

maybe she can’t read my mind. i’m smiling.

but i think she’s thinking it too. or at least wondering if I’m thinking that I know they’re going to fall out.

Really God? a girl’s eyelashes? i’m not even over the boobs. yet.

I looked down at my bathroom sink and there sat a single eye lash, calling my name from the edge of the grand canyon.

i smiled and thought, “make a wish!”

and then began weeping. hard. and decided in that moment I would bless every one of my eyelashes.

each one that still serves me right now. i got them all (still). for a little while longer anyway.

and i thought about making this silly video with my droid last year, before i knew about all this.

My eyelashes have always won me quite the accolades. many women stare closely into my eyes, as she compliments me, looking for evidence of whether or not they’re real. “they are,” i say, or i let her look as long as she needs to if she doesn’t decide to ask.

i always appreciate the compliments. i do. i was blessed; at the moment i was born or by good DNA. astrologically speaking, venus is rising in my chart and she’s the goddess of beauty, art & love. i’m trusting the goddess will remain, through & through, as I watch her transform in front of my eyes in the coming days & weeks.

in my bathroom moment, where i was blessing my eyelashes before they fall, i sort of new instinctively, grace was here. and because i know the power of affirming the truth, of looking into my own eyes and sending grace, appreciation, thanks, gratitude…

i looked up into the mirror and thanked myself for being brave. straight in the eyes i told her, “i love you honey. you amaze me. you are so fucking brave. and i love you for that. I promise to take good care of you throughout this. and to love & cherish each & every eyelash. today’s & tomorrow’s.”

I‘m making a wish, that in every part of this journey, whatver falls out or i leave behind, i affirm my power & beauty, strength & bravery. anything i can think of will be offered in worship, not squandered in fear; not even a single eyelash.

a smile. sunshine. tender loving care from people I’ve never met. and more love from people who already do know & love me.

eyelash wishes.

i’ll wish one for you if you wish one for me… deal?

 

Ready to talk about how to feel empowered to survive & thrive on your cancer journey? If you’re interested in shifting some of your own personal stories around health & wellness, this optimystical way I see things is my gift—my superpower—that I’d love to share with you. If you feel you’d benefit by it, visit my coaching page for more info.

Fires, Flowers, Fertility & Frivolity

Life is a-bloom since our new zodiac year began at the Spring Equinox, (or Ostara from the old calendar) and today, is the celebration called Beltane—meaning bel-fire—ushering in the light half of the year, a time of fertility and abundance.

Beltane or May Day, the beginning of summer.

This celebration is opposite Samhain (Halloween, or the beginning of winter) and draws a line down the center of our great wheel of life—separating it into two halves—light and dark.  Two hemispheres. Equal. Balanced. Reciprocating in ways that create & expand time & space as we understand it.

The Celtic Wheel of Life

May Day brings new light and revolutionary fervor to realize our dreams.

May 1 (May Day or Beltane) is astrologically the cross-quarter point between the equinox last March as the Sun entered Aries and the coming solstice next month in June when the Sun enters Cancer. It is a cross-quarter cycle in the heavens halfway mark between an equinox and a solstice. It is energy of being at a halfway mark and about moving forward with appreciation of what has already harvested and what can be done in the near future.” ~Sandra Helton, PhD, Sandra’s Celestial Compass for the week of April 30, 2012

[May Day] has long been considered a “power point” of the zodiac, and is symbolized by the Bull, one of the tetramorph figures featured on the tarot cards, the World and the Wheel of Fortune. (The other three symbols are the Lion, the Eagle, and the Spirit.) Astrologers know these four figures as the symbols of the four “fixed” signs of the zodiac (Taurus, Leo, Scorpio, and Aquarius), and these naturally align with the four Great Sabbats of Witchcraft (Imbolc/Candlemas, Beltane, Lammas, & Sahmain). Christians have adopted the same iconography to represent the four Gospel writers.” Mike Nichols, Beltane – May Day: A Pagan Festival of Fertility

Beltane is one of the four great Fire Festivals in the fixed signs of Taurus, Leo, Scorpio and Aquarius. Celebrations include bonfires lit to honor the solar god Belos, rites of cleansing and purification, and rites to bring fertility to the land, to animals, and to the people. Now, everything gestated during the winter is born, desires are made manifest, the unconscious emerges into the light.” ~Mary Pat Lynch, Beltane! The Sun In Taurus

Beltane is a day to light bon fires, dance and hold revelry as the northern hemisphere moves toward the next season from spring to summer.” ~Sandra Helton, PhD, Sandra’s Celestial Compass for the week of April 30, 2012

Beltane is a celebration of life, love, beauty and abundance. It is an earth-centered holiday that is celebrated all over the world around May 1st—5th. The astrological date for Beltane is when the sun reaches 15 degrees Taurus, a power point in astrology, symbolic of one of the four portal times.” ~ Ingrid Jeffries, Beltane

Taurus loves to get down and dirty whether it’s into the sweet-smelling fertile soil or languishing with a lover. Beltane is a festival of pleasure and a time to remember your connection to the Earth. It’s a time to value your body and remember you are a product of creation and in turn you can create! The associations with sex at Beltane come from the idea of sympathetic magic. People would go off to the woods to make love to re-enact the bringing together of the Lord and Lady (The Sun and the Earth) which gives birth to summer and brings the promise of a bountiful harvest.” ~Leah Whitehorse, The Fires of the Bull

On May Eve, women dance with bells on their ankles and beat pots with wooden spoons to chase out shades of the old world. Such practices clear the way for the new world to be. May Day brings new light and revolutionary fervor to realize our dreams. In colonial America the Maypole became the Liberty Tree. Dancing clockwise around a Maypole or tree sets the soul free to realize destiny. A Muse Gate opens every 40 days, 9 each year. Whatever blocks creative flow comes before the Gate to be let go. This is a time to dissolve body tensions that hold outmoded ways of thinking and feeling. Breathe deeply, move freely, dance! Shed the old, open anew. Happy May Day!” ~Steve Nelson, Astrological Timing for Success May 20, 2012 – Moon Magic

You don’t have to practice Wicca to celebrate the Pagan festivals. It’s about awareness & energy. I made a commitment to myself this year to understand more deeply the traditions from the past—from the old calendar—and to understand where & why I celebrate my “holy days” (instead of mindlessly engaging in traditions taught to me, that I’ve always assumed where appropriate & right).

Starting today through Cinco de Mayo and the Scoprio Full Moon on Saturday, I will honor my own body & its connection to the cycles of the Great One through celebration & joy by creating our own Maypole in the backyard, gathering and placing fresh flowers at our homemade “altar,” smudging with sage and jumping over a few lit candles.

A Beltane Blessing

Oak and May,
On This Day,
Will both Heed
Those in Need.
Goddess Bright,
God of Sun,
Bless your Children
‘Till our days are done.

Today, and all summer long… Breathe deeply, move freely, dance!

Toward The Rising Sun

May Ostara bring joy and easiness into your life.

May her fertility be passed over to you and may your dreams,
ideas, wishes, plans ripen and bear new fruits.

May the loveliness of spring open your heart and
may you understand the beauty of being and take it in.

Full of strength and new energy,
you shall walk into the brightness
of the awakening spring
and you shall leave the darkness
of the past time behind.

Let go all former burdens
and get rid of the ballast still hindering you.
Free and with new strength
your feet shall carry you
toward dawn.

May Ostara bless us all!

Ostara by Tricia Danby

 

Eternal Flame

In ancient times, when the Greeks traveled abroad, they had a ritual or practice of bringing a portion of their home fire with them as a blessing. A reminder of the linkage to the past and their homeland.

Consider our modern times ritual of Opening Ceremonies during the Olympics where this tradition remains alive today, the torch our eternal symbol.

This firey ritual also found its way into women’s lives—as the virgin bride left her mother’s home to be wed—she brought with her a sacred flame from her mother’s hearth.

Imbolc & Wicca

The First of February, or Imbolc on the Wiccan calendar, is said to belong to Brighid, a Celtic goddess of healing & the hearth, who was later sainted by the Catholic Church. She was powerful protective figure, also known as the Light-Bringer, blessing the flow of milk that heralds the return of the life-giving forces of spring. Ground Hog Day is actually a descendant of the pagan Imbolc celebration (Feast of Brighid) because the goddess Brighid was a diviner and able to “see” into the future.

Vesta & Astrology

In western astrology, we have the asteroid Vesta, goddess of the hearth and keeper of the sacred flame. Said to bear influence over the signs Virgo–the virgin, and Scorpio–associated with sex and passion, Vesta is a predictor of both your devotion and/or fanaticism.  She influences the path one should take to fulfill their dharma, or life’s mission, without which they can become frustrated and unfulfilled. The word Hearth in Latin means focus and so she also influences our ability to concentrate on a specific task or goal. In every city & home of ancient Rome, there was a sacred fire made to Vesta that was protected & not allowed to go out.

Vesta & Brighid are one in the same.

Kundalini fire. Holder of ancient secrets. Bringer of light. Power through transformation. Sex as a Divine Service. Great Mother Goddess. Protector of our Eternal sacred flame.

“Come in, Brighid, you are a hundred-times welcome!”

Today & throughout 2012, may your home fires burn brightly with nurturing safety & creativity. And may your internal passions remain ablaze in Divine soulful service.

Surrender

Friday. Music That Saves Me.

Wednesday this week, goddess Lauren Hill came through Pandora’s musical umbilical cord and dropped into my heart along side thoughts of a very brave friend facing cancer. I heard the words and thought about romantical love. But that’s not exactly where my head was…

I was thinking about Love in general. The feeling of Love, in any shape, on any level. Thinking, after knowing Love, nothing really matters at all.

These days, I find myself relaxing gently, more and more, into this surrender. Reading about my friend’s journey, thinking about the Love & Light that each of us are and will continue to be… even after, nothing even matters. Love remains.

Nothing Even Matters, Lauren Hill

[This is the video part of the post, so you might need to click through if you’re reading this via email or RSS.]

Now the skies could fall
Not even if my boss should call
The world it seems so very small
‘Cause nothin’ even matters at all

See nothin’ even matters
See nothin’ even matters at all
Nothin’ even matters
Nothin’ even matters at all

See, I don’t need no alcohol
Your love makes me feel ten feet tall
Without it, I’d go through withdrawal
‘Cause nothin’ even matters at all

Nothin’ even matters
Nothin’ even matters at all
Nothin’ even matters
Nothin’ even matters at all

These buildings could drift out to sea
Some natural catastrophe
Still there’s no place I’d rather be
‘Cause nothin’ even matters to me

See nothin’ even matters
See nothin’ even matters to me
Nothin’ even matters
Nothin’ even matters to me

You’re part of my identity
I sometimes have the tendency
To look at you religiously, baby
‘Cause nothin’ even matters to me

Nothin’ even matters
Nothin’ even matters to me
Said I don’t, my baby, baby

Now you won’t find me at no store
I have no time for manicures
With you it’s never either or
‘Cause nothin’ even matters no more

See nothin’, it don’t matters
See nothin’ even matters no more
Nothin’ even matters
Nothin’ even matters no more

Now my team could score
And make it to the final four
Just repossess my 4 x 4
‘Cause nothin’ even matters no more

Nothin’ even matters
Nothin’ even matters no more
Nothin’ even matters, oh oh oh

To me, to me, to me, to me, to me
To me, to me, to me, to me, to me

Nothing even matters
Nothing even matters no more
Nothing even matters
Nothing even matters

Nothing but you
Nothing but you