stars say: last week especially, brought some major, life-changing & long-simmering line-drawing & realigning. http://bit.ly/bxhUJ
Charlie and I had been poking around one of my latest illusions for a while now. And even other supporters in my circle of Light had shared with me, about a pattern they were seeing, where I was giving my power over to another.
I could totally get this intellectually. And sometimes even see the pattern myself. But mostly, I’ve been in the midst of feeling what it was like.
Last week though, there was a more radical shift in the awareness of how deeply the tentacles of this pattern have been reaching through and digging into my life. I saw, maybe for the first time, the enormity of it. It was overwhelming. And touched just about every single thing I do/did, every relationship I enter into.
I cried for days.
And so, to the best of my ability, I’m going to share with you what I know so far. Trusting the process of revealing myself and what is really going on in my life.
Because I think it’s in our sore spots that we can really understand one another. At least that is true for me. When I read someone else’s revealing post or watch a movie or read a book… it’s in their willingness to share what we perceive as “messy” that my own being calls me forward and says to me… write!
Oh, and just really quickly, a shout out to Fabeku for his latest post called Go Big. Or Not. Just really cauterized a lot of what my coach and I worked on together last week.
So here’s my big bad truth. The one that is epic for me. Even though on the outside (or perceived by you) may not seem that big. I said it before… it has been defining every relationship I enter into. Every one.
Some relationships, I see the pattern more clearly than others. Like when I look out into Twitteropolis and the big bad blogging world. It’s easy to look at someone like Danielle La Porte and immediately put myself into an underling category with her. That’s easy, right? (I trust you are nodding your head.)
And it goes right on down the line. Any of you, that have created any kind of success in the form of products (that really do sell), subscriber lists in the tens of thousands and the big one for me is collaboration. If there are other big bloggies who are collaborating with you, well you are so out of my league.
This is the pattern that was revealed to me.
I have been unable to see that I am your peer. That I am your equal.
I even went back and re-read a post I wrote about Danielle La Porte and her really juicy thing that sells, Fire Starter Sessions.
I said something like, “I’m not sure how I’m on this lady’s radar.”
Do you see it? Non-equals. I cry again. And the truth is I was on her radar because of a then, current client. That was the truth. But this pattern of mine has been so enmeshed into my beingness, I just couldn’t accept my equalness.
So what if it’s true? What if I am Danielle’s equal? And what if you are too?
And I’m not picking on Danielle here, it’s just so clear and easy to show you what I’m talking about. I mean it’s easier to not see this pattern when I think about how I relate with clients for example. Or friends even. But I know it’s still there.
So a big change I’m in the midst of processing is “What if I AM your equal?”
I’m being diligent about noticing who is on my list of bigger than me. If you wanna know who that is, just read my blogroll.
When I notice the pattern emerge, I’m gently asking myself, “What if I am your peer? Your equal?” And then rehearsing over and over words my coach gave to me, “Some people are more experienced than me and some have had different opportunities, but that doesn’t necessarily make them better than me.”
Tomorrow I’d like to share with you how I manifested a review lesson of the power of this pattern within 24 hours of my coaching session.
And later in the week, taking a cue from a current coaching client, how I’m helping myself process, integrate and love myself though it all.
Where do you automatically diminish your power? Have you noticed it?
I know, since early spring, astrologically speaking, we’ve all been under tremendous activation and being called forward into our own beingness at greater levels than ever before. Be You has been the prevailing message.
And for me, being me just got a total makeover. Simply by seeing where I’ve been off-kilter and giving others in my orbit more credibility, more wisdom, more everything than I’ve been giving myself.
But that’s changing. And it’s an epic one.