How I Got To The Hot Seat

I want to tell you the story about how I got into the hot seat this past March. I’ve been really into telling stories lately. In fact, I’m sorta camped out there right now. Which can only mean, this (storytelling) must be a big deal for me.

Making it up ‘Good’

One reason I tell stories, is to help myself feel better about a situation. Many years ago, in my Fearless Living training to become a coach, I heard from mentors and the creator of the program to “make it up good!”

Rhonda uses humor in a beautiful way, that helps me open my heart when I’m doing something I’ve presumed would be hard… like lookin’ at your personal shizzle and ironing some of the kinks out so you feel better. So you feeeel like makin’ love (really, this isn’t a post about sex, and neither was my question for Abe even though it might first appear that way).

Instead of planning for the worse case, which is what we’ve sorta been taught our whole lives to do; what to look out for and how to stay safe, she’d say, “If you are gonna make stuff up, might as well make it up good!”

So before I got to the chair, I told myself a very vivid story. I know the power of my imagination and I had specifically avoided telling myself a detailed story of a visit with Abraham because I wanted to really feel I was ready. Usually, I just glossed over it. Knowing that one day, I would go. But most days wasn’t going to be that day. Even days I attended a workshop wouldn’t be my day. Interestingly enough, it was the person-sitting-beside-me’s turn, which I talk about here.

The night before the workshop, I lay in bed, doing my usual nightly ritual (hopefully not so completely exhausted that I remember to do my nightly ritual). I’ve been using the mediation CD day & night, very consistently, since January. I sometimes listen to a few YouTube videos before bed instead. Anyway, my nightly ritual goes something like this:

An evening ritual of Making It Up ‘Good’

  • get a little high on Abe, somehow/someway (mediation CD/YouTube video)
  • think about how delicious my bed feels, when I first get in it and thank the living shit out of that, thank the universe that I know exactly what good feels like, it feels like this moment right now, when I first climb into bed.
  • Next, I’ll intend to have the most amazing sleep ever.
  • I’ll intend to wake feeling refreshed, rejuvenated and totally f’n crazy-excited about my day, what/who/how… all of it blessed, now!
  • I’ll intend that I’ll immediately remember, even before rising from bed tomorrow morning, that when I open my eyes, to return to this feeling right now. To recapture this wave and begin from here.
  • Here is the place, where if you know of specific events that will be happening in your life, you can intend for their successful conclusions based on the good of all concerned or just fall asleep (if you haven’t already, lol) …
  • For me, I decided to do segment intending or pre-pave my trip to the chair tomorrow by going there now. And so I did and I ended up chatting with Abraham.

Yes, I did say chatting with Abraham

And I did. And I noted that Abraham wasn’t quite as funny without Esther there. Still very funny though. And I had this complete visualization of coming up to the chair, and feeling relaxed and comfortable. And that we would laugh and have fun. And it would be as easy as this chat right now is. And it was satisfying. And tomorrow would be satisfying also. And I reflected a moment on how I would feel… overjoyed that I showed myself my own power of intention by getting to the chair. And I remember seeing my friend’s face as I sat down beside her after visiting with Abraham in the visualization.

There was amazing power I felt that was imbued into this story I was telling because I chose to add something simple and easy for myself to visualize, like the familiarity of a friend’s face… anything easy is really good ju-ju. We can throw ourselves out of the vortex very quickly with going too detailed so this is practice! I picture the hummingbird, how she flows easily, effortlessly and with intention over and around the themes in my “make it up good” stories. Down deep into detail and them hovering above, in just the simple feel goodedness of the being the storyteller and making this my creation!)

And then I opened my eyes. I smiled. And I thought, I was just joking around with Abraham about getting my ass in that chair tomorrow. That was fun. Easy. I further intended, I’m going to stay relaxed about it all. Tomorrow I will know what other processes to use to support myself (and I did and it was easy, really it became easier as I let go and trusted this had already happened because technically, it just had!)

What was not easy (surprisingly) was being in the chair.

For now, check out this conversation with Abraham to understand more why I’m writing about this now even though the general topic of “the chair” has been on my list since March <sheepish grin>.

Till soon,
mm.

 

 

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Climbing Down Off The Window Ledge

Something shifted almost immediately after pressing publish on my last post. I talk about pressing publish all the time. Which, unless you blog, you may not understand. But it’s similar to the window ledge. Pressing publish and jumping.

When I press publish, there is a sense of empowerment that happens. Sort of like saying “I choose.” And over the last two days, I’ve been choosing to step out of the window and down from the ledge.

I thought about writing it down, so I could remember how to do it next time. Because I’m learning, there is usually always a next time. Otherwise it wouldn’t be called practice. There will be another window ledge moment.

The first thing I noticed after pressing publish were the familiar voices of fear asking me to doubt myself again. Was I sure? Was it appropriate? Does it matter?

In they come. All gathering around me to console me in some way. Like, “I’m so sorry you have to be you and make all these mistakes all the time.” Hideous. Obsurd even. And even hideous-er is that I actually stop for a minute, sometimes even longer, getting distracted going down that rabbit hole.

So I took a walk. And I decided I wanted to feel better. I mean, taking the walk in the first place was a “feel better” thing for me to do. I’m on this window ledge… what can I do to feel better right now?

And as I was walking and reminding myself that that’s what I want, is to feel better, my eyes distracted me, in a good way. And I found myself in a familiar but distant-at-the-time land of Gratitude. I noticed colors first. Flowers. I said, “That is so beautiful. That is SO beautiful. Boy it’s nice to see beauty. I like seeing that. I like seeing beautiful things.”

Followed by a beautiful moment of recognizing a sense of peace, relief, easy breathing.

Which is me being aware of myself. How I was feeling. Being aware that I am aware. Awareness. Coming back to the moment.

Remembering the good that started it… Gratitude.

Gratitude. Gratitude. Gratitude.

What is already good that I’m just missing the boat on? Where is good floating on by but I’m just not focused on that? My attention is… well stolen. Or unguarded. My attention. Drifting away like a small just-walking child wanders to & fro, bumping into things, waking up, forgetting again.

Focus. Beauty. Gratitude.

Gratitude. Gratitude. Gratitude.

Remembering… gratitude is a way through. I can count on gratitude.

I can count on gratitude.

I can count on seeing the good if I’ll remind myself to look for it.

Make it the most important priority. See the good. Feel better.

I’m still up on that window ledge. I’m just slowing, gently easing myself into a new direction. In this case, down from the window ledge. Instead of wanting to jump out and get from here to there in 2.5 seconds. Or just be done with it. The learning. Or karma. Or whatever it is.

Easy does it. Moving down off the window ledge.