The Path To Greater Things

Dream constantly of the ideal;
work ceaselessly to perfect the real.

Believe in yourself;
believe in everybody;
believe in all
that has existence.

Give the body added strength;
give the mind added brilliancy;
give the soul added inspiration.

Do your best under every circumstance,
and believe that every circumstance
will give its best to you.

Live for the realization of more life
and for the more efficient use
of everything that proceeds from life.

Desire eternally what you want;
expect eternally what you desire;
and act always as if every expectation
were coming true.

Your Forces and How to Use Them,
by Christian D. Larson [1912], at sacred-texts.com

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What Story Are You Stuck To?

“So how’s chemo going?” she asked. “How are you feeling?” I told her the truth. My truth. We all have one. They are the stories we live.

From the start, it was easy to see that around 90% of the people going to this support group are telling themselves all the same story.

It’s comprised of elements of what’s reflected to them from an external world. A world that says, “This is truth.”

The world’s story about [breast] cancer goes like this…

[ intentionally left blank so you can just be with your own thoughts and watch them race by like Malibu Grand Prix drivers in the finishing straight away bearing down on the checkered black & white flag. ]

Thank god the world’s story is not my story.

When I was pregnant with my now 18-year old daughter, I felt like it was a required initiation ritual or something, to listen to each and every other woman who had ever had a child, tell her story about it.

Each personal story filled with… well you know, horror! And terrifying “OMGs!”

Secretly I consoled myself, “Women have done this forever Mynde. It’s built into my nature.” And, always, most certainly, I would smile at each woman to honor whatever was true for her as I repeat in my head, “Not my story.”

This mantra has become my optimystical shield of sorts. Protecting a private sanctuary within. The place inside myself where I tell different stories about my life, about cancer. In fact, I’m not even focused on the cancer as much as I’m focused on where I’m going. Toward wellness. 

My truth about chemo was startling to hear. For the other women gathered around, it made them stop and look at me, clearly seeking more information. More clarity. Maybe even questioning what they heard me say…

“Was she kidding?”

“Is she in denial?”

“Is she for real?”

My truth. My reality. My story… are very different from the world’s. From the story they know. Different even from their personal journeys, if we had sat down and compared notes (which is something I refuse to do because it doesn’t support me and my wellness).

“I am wonderful. I feel really good. Thank you for asking!”

I looked directly into a woman’s face I had never seen before. Two of the other women sitting between us I met at last month’s meeting. All three of them were staring at me like I had four henna-crowned bald heads instead of just one. 😉

I let the silence linger as I stared into a pair of sparkling blue eyes peering out at me over the top of her reading glasses. Three chairs away. She’s probably 10 years older than I am. Beautiful, looks physically fit. Her boobs looks nice from what I can see.

“Hi!” I finally say out loud to her, breaking the awkward stillness of everyone’s gazing curiosity.

To tell a new story in our today, in this now moment. Is Power. To realize in your next now moment, the kind of story you’re telling and, if it suits you better, changing it. Is Magic.

Imagination is our super power.

And our imagination, or the stories we tell ourselves, about the way it is and the way that it goes, have power. I talk more about the power of storytelling on my About page.

My truth about chemotherapy is that I am wonderful. There are things I could focus on that would look like a list of complaints but I refuse to go there.

“Wow, you really are so positive” says the first woman who asked the original question.

What are the alternatives? None of them I see so far are better than choosing to be positive. To be optimystical. I choose to see it no other way. It’s my story and I’m stickin’ to it.

Is there a story you’re stuck to? Are you camping out somewhere, instead of keeping your eyes on where you’d like to be going? If you’re interested in shifting some of your own personal stories, I am taking it super easy and this optimystical way I see things—is my gift, my superpower—that I’d love to share with you. If you feel you’d benefit by it, visit my coaching page for more info. 

Full Moon Indian Guides & Karmic Ocean Feet

Full Moon Indian Guide
The moon was so bright, that it backlit the trees. And of course, as I played in MagicHour last night, trying to get a nice enhancement of the clouds and got ready to post to Instagram (the flare was not produced by a filter), I noticed the face in the tree (check around 2 o’clock if the moon was the center of the dials).

Later today, when I played the game of “find waldo” with my roomies, mama-roomie noticed even more. I saw an Indian face last night as I uploaded to IG. Old & wise, like a guide; staring out into a field of possibilities. Then it expanded and suddenly we saw the younger, bigger warrior indian brave taking up the whole fuckin’ tree (check 3 o’clock, it’s a profile shot, looking the same direction as Indian Wise Man, except the trunk of the tree and it’s branches form his feather and rather elaborate headdress. This one is defintitely harder to see but will reveal himself to you eventually.) And I see a third smaller Medicine Man face, staring directly at me/into the camera.

Photography: This photo was taken with my thunderbolt. No flash, full zoom (8 mega pixels). A big no-no in digital photography but I break the rules. Every artist will. At some point. Look what I found when I did?

Pretty amazing.

And there’s more… About a month or so ago, I visited Newport Beach and held my thunderbolt over my feet, trying to capture the waves rolling in & around them. My Reiki Healer told me “ocean waves heal karma!” Also & especially after attunements, so do organic apple cider vinegar and Epsom salt therapeutic baths. In this photo, which I shared weeks ago on Facebook, I explained what I saw.

Karmic Ocean Feet

i’m loving this photo i snapped at the beach last wednesday. i see a face, clearly, in the sand next to my left foot. this stuff has been going on since last summer in oregon. also of note: a large heart in the lower right hand corner and the eye of ra/horus contained in the large heart (protection). i also see hearts all over my feet; smaller ones between my two feet and vibrating between them, surrounding my right. i wonder what it all means… a smile on my face because i’m certain it means all is well in my world. i wonder what you might see if you start looking also? is your world filled with wonder? ♥ ♥ ♥ i’m grateful mine is & you’re part of it. June 9th, 2012

Photography: No wild filters on this. I think I picked something that punched up the colors so the sand looked more sandy and my blue toenails looked more electric. That’s about it.

Here’s the post I wrote last year after I visited Oregon. Down by the creek near my Grandma’s place, same thing, more invisible help.

It’s why we’re never really alone.

I know that more than ever now. We have someone looking in on us at all times. Either sharing & enjoying the ride with us and almost always reminding and encouraging us to remember our own magnificent worthiness. Guides, angels, loved ones just beyond the veil.

Thank you Cancer—for bringing me back to my present—moment-by-moment.

 

Ready to reclaim your present moment on your cancer journey? If you’re interested in shifting some of your own personal stories around health & wellness, this optimystical way I see things is my gift—my superpower—that I’d love to share with you. If you feel you’d benefit by it, visit my coaching page for more info.

eyelashes

On Wednesday, I had a personal moment. while in the bathroom applying my mascara, the thought crossed my mind for the umpteenth time.

“they’re all gonna fall out.”

and i felt my chest heave up. my nostrils flare open. i was sucking it in.

eventually, you have to let it go. and i did. my breath. and a ton of other girlie thoughts about them.

At my first oncology visit, the nurse practitioner was gazing over the doctor’s shoulder as he did the standard health check on me. gently pressing his stethascope into my chest, she stood behind him looking directly into my eyes.

“deep breathe in for me” he said.

me: (in breathe count of 5. one… two… three… four…)

“wow, you have amazing eyelashes!” she blurts out.

me: (i know and i’m gonna lose everyone of them)… … “Thanks!”

maybe she can’t read my mind. i’m smiling.

but i think she’s thinking it too. or at least wondering if I’m thinking that I know they’re going to fall out.

Really God? a girl’s eyelashes? i’m not even over the boobs. yet.

I looked down at my bathroom sink and there sat a single eye lash, calling my name from the edge of the grand canyon.

i smiled and thought, “make a wish!”

and then began weeping. hard. and decided in that moment I would bless every one of my eyelashes.

each one that still serves me right now. i got them all (still). for a little while longer anyway.

and i thought about making this silly video with my droid last year, before i knew about all this.

My eyelashes have always won me quite the accolades. many women stare closely into my eyes, as she compliments me, looking for evidence of whether or not they’re real. “they are,” i say, or i let her look as long as she needs to if she doesn’t decide to ask.

i always appreciate the compliments. i do. i was blessed; at the moment i was born or by good DNA. astrologically speaking, venus is rising in my chart and she’s the goddess of beauty, art & love. i’m trusting the goddess will remain, through & through, as I watch her transform in front of my eyes in the coming days & weeks.

in my bathroom moment, where i was blessing my eyelashes before they fall, i sort of new instinctively, grace was here. and because i know the power of affirming the truth, of looking into my own eyes and sending grace, appreciation, thanks, gratitude…

i looked up into the mirror and thanked myself for being brave. straight in the eyes i told her, “i love you honey. you amaze me. you are so fucking brave. and i love you for that. I promise to take good care of you throughout this. and to love & cherish each & every eyelash. today’s & tomorrow’s.”

I‘m making a wish, that in every part of this journey, whatver falls out or i leave behind, i affirm my power & beauty, strength & bravery. anything i can think of will be offered in worship, not squandered in fear; not even a single eyelash.

a smile. sunshine. tender loving care from people I’ve never met. and more love from people who already do know & love me.

eyelash wishes.

i’ll wish one for you if you wish one for me… deal?

 

Ready to talk about how to feel empowered to survive & thrive on your cancer journey? If you’re interested in shifting some of your own personal stories around health & wellness, this optimystical way I see things is my gift—my superpower—that I’d love to share with you. If you feel you’d benefit by it, visit my coaching page for more info.

Through The Looking Glass

Inspired by Havi Brooks, I’m gonna do a Friday Chicken. I might even ask her if she’s still using her turquoise wig, well because, it’s cute & I’m gonna be bald here real quick-like.

Anywhoodles… this is an update from Cancerville. Ya ready for cancer my way?

Sunday was Father’s day. I sailed in Long Beach with my dad. What can I say? Bliss. And just the way I thought a girl should spend the day before her first round of chemotherapy.

Monday, I met Shirley who put my “help is on the way” reframe I recently found on an Abraham video into action by squirting me full of magic healing potions. You see, I’m a big bonnet-movie girl. I love Elizabeth and all those movies about the past… and the regalia of charging horses into battle (just saw Snow White at the movies, yeah baby!) Except my men will ride up to cancer and kindly ask it to align with wellness and, if not—well, you know the fairy tales endings 😉

I also decided that my chemo mascot is a guinea pig in Florida named Bobo, who had emergency 5-hour surgery to remove a tooth that had grown over his tongue so he could no longer eat! Bobo is owned & cared for by the mother of the woman I live with. And she is a breast cancer survivor. I’m on the look out for a stuffed animal guinea pig to take to future chemo sessions.

Bobo came today! #gifts #love #support #mascots #guineapig #hugmycancer 

Tuesday I visited oncology to receive a shot of Neulasta which will boost my white blood cells. Joanne is the funniest gosh dern oncology nurse on the planet. I am so crushing on how she brings me the grace in belly fulls.

Wednesday was a big day; two tests. Echo cardiogram of my heart was no big deal. I met Renee. She was pretty. And put stickers on me. But not the fun kid-kind, which we were both pretty perturbed about. “Why no Scoobie Doo for me? Where does it go when we grow up?” we both wondered together outloud.

Later, at test number two, I met Alice. She was available for eye contact and human touch as I lay on my belly and was raised up with my right boob dangling down through a hole on a table. They lassoed my breast, took x-rays to position the needle and then biopsied away. My doctors want to confirm there is no cancer here.

Thursday was hangover day. Can’t really explain it except like that. Disorientation with space & time, no matter how many naps. Lots of resting. I speak to woman about her website via Skype (she’s taking Marie Forleo’s B-School) and she has no idea I have cancer. Until I say so. Weeeeeee. Uh, yeah, please read my blog, okay? Love you!

Friday’s on my blog have usually been held open for Music Saves Me (because it does). My battle cry song as I ride down the freeway in my red superhero underwear (thank you Kris Carr for this amazing tip) is Payphone by Maroon 5. Every single time I head out for an appointment, these two things make me feel rock solid.

On a side note, we are San Francisco bound for Pride this weekend. Before all my hair falls out. I’m planning on getting a henna crown tattoo when it does by one the wonderful folks at hennaheals.com.

If you’d like to follow along with me, you can find me on Instagram, Twitter & Facebook! My shoebox of memories are being gathered up in a Flickr set called HUG MY CANCER. Remember, you can hug my cancer whenever you want. Get creative! Every tiny bit counts. ❤

Ready to talk about how to feel empowered to survive & thrive on your cancer journey? If you’re interested in shifting some of your own personal stories around health & wellness, this optimystical way I see things is my gift—my superpower—that I’d love to share with you. If you feel you’d benefit by it, visit my coaching page for more info.

Cancerville & Wonderland

Do you know how long the diagnosis process is? It’s long & hard. The not-knowing part is hard on you & your loved ones. And Western Medicine, in all of its wonderful technological advancement, is super thorough.

It’s been six-ish long weeks since I received my initial diagnosis. Really, the very beginning of a process that is requiring patience, letting go & trust.

For the last six weeks or so, I’ve followed cancer. Sometimes because I had to (which is really a choice).

Somewhere after letting go and letting go even more again… you just keep letting go. And surrendering.

After surrender, I began seeing so many things happening in the midst of this terrifying situation. Things I felt I had nothing to do with organizing or orchestrating. Things that I could clearly see & understand were for me.

And so then I became curious. Like Alice in Wonderland. Except I‘m Mynde in Cancerville.

I really want to be telling you more of this story. I imagine myself writing tiny little posts about what I consider nothing. Or trivial. But that’s me worrying about what you’ll think about it. And what you’ll label it and me. Blah bluh blah blaah pfft!

And I don’t want to push. Anything. I’m following. Not fighting, defending, or hiding. Not proclaiming war on anything. Making peace with every moment. Each step on my journey through Cancerville.

And like Alice, I will meet so many new people. People I’m destined to know, connect with; offerings of love, compassion and support. Joining together in faith & hope. Trusting & knowing with certainty our broader destiny. Toward living the rest of our humanly years healthfully, in complete wholeness and utterly transformed by the journey itself.

Are you a journey-er like me?

Of course! You may not have destinations through Cancerville (or maybe you do?)—and we can still make it all into a Wonderland—as we go, if we choose. I’m living what I’m teaching and if you’re ready for a different perspective or to see anything in your life with a twist that brings peace, I’m available for coaching sessions.

Love, War, Armies & Chemotherapy

So, yeah… cancer. My life has changed in so many ways. Duh, right!? I’ve received an outpouring of L.O.V.E. Some shock, disbelief, denial even (as-in no response whatsoever from people you thought might say something).

I choose, Life is busy, for all of us.

I choose, This is hard & difficult news about someone you love & we each have different skills & tools (& timelines) for processing the information.

I choose, To see innocence. And not to judge. Because I am certain I am loved.

Hopefully since my last post though, you’ve been thinking about hugs since

my cancer manifesto is to Love it to death. Harrrrrr !!!

Not everyone is embracing this approach. Even my girlfriend stands firm in her own slogan for this adventure. In other words, her custom tee-shirt says “FUCK CANCER.”

Neither approach is wrong. It’s just that one feels more right for me. And everyone is entitled to feel however they feel about it. Shit, the last thing I need or want is someone telling me I’m doing cancer wrong.

I will be continuing to write. And do all the creative things I love doing like digital photography & design because a wise person/coach once told me ART SAVES LIVES and because I’ve looked through my camera lens enough times when it’s painful or confusing or just doesn’t make sense and found relief, compassion & empathy; and a deeper appreciation for my humanity.

I’m making juice instead of war, thanks to Kris Carr’s Crazy Sexy Diet. Her book is a Godsend for those who want to be proactive with their diagnosis and have no idea where to begin. GODSEND.

I’m sharing the more intimate parts of my journey and getting support using a private group on Facebook. Thank God for Facebook (technology) and it’s ability to help me connect with and gather up my personal army of love that I call the Love Squad.

I’ve started a Flickr set called HUG MY CANCER which, for now, is my little shoebox of adventure photos.

And I’ve received some of the most amazing responses to the invitation to HUG it, and LOVE it & SQUEEEEZE it & NAME IT my divine diagnosis.

And I watch in wonder as other things simply appear. At the right time. There we are, all lined up together.

Like enjoying an arts & crafter make a bunny-on-a-swing on TV while I wait for 45-minutes for radioactive sugar to make it’s way through my body so it can be picked up while I’m tubin’ it. #calilove

Or finding myself in the hands of two of the most compassionate Doctors and their teams. My breast surgeon is as excited about his website (breastcanceranswers.com) and it’s over 240 video answers as he is about determining the very best treatment plan for my cancer.

So how is it, that this heart-centered tech wiz girl-entrepreneur with cancer gets hooked up with compassionate, heart-based & technology-driven doctor entrepreneurs?

I wonder.

All are welcome to my army of Love and I am open to receiving your messages.

A few days ago, I was delighted to learn a dear friend will be walking in my name at a breast cancer charity event.

Another friend texted me last night with this story:

“This is really silly but a young inexperienced girl just drove 30 miles (considered a long haul in the bay area) to buy a loft bed from us. My price was $135. She came with $35, a misunderstanding on her part. She was in tears but still I had to turn her away politely. I felt so awful I couldn’t stand myself… and decided 10 minutes later that this is exactly the opportunity for HUGGGGGGINGGGGG a stranger that I could do! I called her to come back and loaded it into her car. I love you for reminding me to remind myself how good it feels to hug a stranger 🙂 Consider that a hug from me to you!”

Or consider this video posted by another friend on Facebook.

And then HUG MY CANCER; it’s my chemotherapy of choice! Hug anyTHING or anyone (stranger or friend or family or pet or stuffed animal or tree). Get creative. Use your heart & technology and connect! Facebook, Instagram, or your own blog. You with me, me with you. Love grows and expands in mysterious ways. Trust. Believe. You are magic. Now get to concocting your cosmic love potion on me & on us all 😉

Together in one big heart,
xxmm 🙂

Ready to talk about how to feel empowered to survive & thrive on your cancer journey? If you’re interested in shifting some of your own personal stories around health & healing, this optimystical way I see things is my gift—my superpower—that I’d love to share with you. If you feel you’d benefit by it, visit my coaching page for more info.