Your Tits Or Your Life

Where I start getting more real & honest about this wild bucking bronco I’m riding called my life.

Writing mostly for myself, inspired by others on the journey who are telling their stories honestly & directly. I write because I can, and because I’m tired of waiting for “the meaningful post” to declare itself in my head as worthy enough. My life is already worthy enough for me to write it down and share it with those who care to read/listen and join me in the massive circle of Love & support we all deserve, whether faced with cancer or not.

Writing this blog installment with my good friend, Q-bug, hugging my cancer.

Back from another meeting with my surgeon since my sixth and final round of chemotherapy concluded on August 27th. We discussed my options, and still landed where I thought we would which is a double mastectomy with no nipple sparing due to the location of my left tumor. He won’t save the right nipple either because he says it’s too difficult trying to match it up in reconstruction and just easier to make new ones (I don’t know how they do this yet or whether he’s referring to tattoos).

They want another mammo of my left side later today at 2pm, then I meet with my Breast Cancer Support group at 6pm for tonight’s topic: art therapy (something I’ve been doing all summer long). On Friday, I’ll call and set up an appointment with the plastic surgeon my breast surgeon is recommending. They are also setting me up to measure my arms as a baseline to monitor lymphodema (a condition that may result after having lymph nodes removed). Dr. Harness (my breast surgeon) says depending on coordination of schedules, etc. surgery will probably happen in the next two weeks or so.

Andrea was brave enough to ask him about my liver today and he said we’d cross that bridge when we get there. First they want to handle the breast cancer locally and then I’ll be meeting later on down the road with another doctor who specializes in the liver area.

For now, I’ve decided on the simplest procedure and most compassionate for my body which will be no tram flap, just the bi-lateral mastectomy. This gives me the best opportunity to have symmetrical breast reconstruction. Of course, all of that is subject to change after speaking with the plastic surgeon but it feels like the most compassionate thing to opt-out of the tram flap and just get the mastectomy over with. Less invasive, shorter surgery.

I’m feeling kinda numb. Very little tears today. I might have cried them all out yesterday. Although, I’m sure there’s more to come. I really appreciate the support I’ve received that encourages me to feel my feelings and be where I am. This way I’m able to move into acceptance, process what feels uncomfortable, let it go and let God. I realize it may be easy, from an outsiders viewpoint, to see so clearly that the decision of “my tits or my life” seems simple. But the truth is, when you are here on this road, you never want to think about the ultimate cost of this disease taking your life. At least I refuse to go there as much as possible. And so, from where I stand, with losing my life off the table, I’m left with the grief and loss involved because my God-given body parts are being forever removed. And the life I once knew, forever changed.

Feeling kinda numb due on your cancer journey or other serious chronic illness? If you’re interested in sharing in a safe place so you can shift into acceptance (powerful for healing), this optimystical way I see things—is my gift, my superpower—that I’d love to share with you. If you feel you’d benefit by it, visit my coaching page for more info.
Advertisements

One thought on “Your Tits Or Your Life

  1. You are a beautiful warrior.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s