On Wednesday, I had a personal moment. while in the bathroom applying my mascara, the thought crossed my mind for the umpteenth time.
“they’re all gonna fall out.”
and i felt my chest heave up. my nostrils flare open. i was sucking it in.
eventually, you have to let it go. and i did. my breath. and a ton of other girlie thoughts about them.
At my first oncology visit, the nurse practitioner was gazing over the doctor’s shoulder as he did the standard health check on me. gently pressing his stethascope into my chest, she stood behind him looking directly into my eyes.
“deep breathe in for me” he said.
me: (in breathe count of 5. one… two… three… four…)
“wow, you have amazing eyelashes!” she blurts out.
me: (i know and i’m gonna lose everyone of them)… … “Thanks!”
maybe she can’t read my mind. i’m smiling.
but i think she’s thinking it too. or at least wondering if I’m thinking that I know they’re going to fall out.
Really God? a girl’s eyelashes? i’m not even over the boobs. yet.
I looked down at my bathroom sink and there sat a single eye lash, calling my name from the edge of the grand canyon.
i smiled and thought, “make a wish!”
and then began weeping. hard. and decided in that moment I would bless every one of my eyelashes.
each one that still serves me right now. i got them all (still). for a little while longer anyway.
and i thought about making this silly video with my droid last year, before i knew about all this.
My eyelashes have always won me quite the accolades. many women stare closely into my eyes, as she compliments me, looking for evidence of whether or not they’re real. “they are,” i say, or i let her look as long as she needs to if she doesn’t decide to ask.
i always appreciate the compliments. i do. i was blessed; at the moment i was born or by good DNA. astrologically speaking, venus is rising in my chart and she’s the goddess of beauty, art & love. i’m trusting the goddess will remain, through & through, as I watch her transform in front of my eyes in the coming days & weeks.
in my bathroom moment, where i was blessing my eyelashes before they fall, i sort of new instinctively, grace was here. and because i know the power of affirming the truth, of looking into my own eyes and sending grace, appreciation, thanks, gratitude…
i looked up into the mirror and thanked myself for being brave. straight in the eyes i told her, “i love you honey. you amaze me. you are so fucking brave. and i love you for that. I promise to take good care of you throughout this. and to love & cherish each & every eyelash. today’s & tomorrow’s.”
I‘m making a wish, that in every part of this journey, whatver falls out or i leave behind, i affirm my power & beauty, strength & bravery. anything i can think of will be offered in worship, not squandered in fear; not even a single eyelash.
a smile. sunshine. tender loving care from people I’ve never met. and more love from people who already do know & love me.
i’ll wish one for you if you wish one for me… deal?