Under The Influence of Contrast

Contraction & expansion. Each of us having our own moments… one or the other not more right. Both, actually, essential.

Evolution is expansion and contraction.

And though I focus mightily on the word expansion and even optimysm, life isn’t always like that.

It’s a mixture of both expansion and contraction. The nature of our physical universe. And that which is beyond (and preceeds) the physical.

The flow of movement, like the sea moving across a thousand sandy beaches today. It’s constant. Like eternity.

Last week and well into this one, contraction moves in and around me. And at times, my attention feels consumed with subject matter I’d rather not be thinking about at all. Nonetheless, I do keep thinking about things that keep a pit in my belly or a 500 pound block on my chest. And sometimes I can get my head so cloudy with thinking, I can no longer see the words on my computer screen.

Under the influence of contrast or contraction.

It makes us do funny things. Under the influence of contraction, I’m cut out of my current time and space. Hurled into isolation. My attention consumed by painful thoughts. Separation. Separated. Away from. Beyond reach. Alone.

Why do I choose to share this with you?

Because it’s part of the path. And I frequently wish that some of my favorite people I love to read, would share more about their own encounters with the shadow. And all the different ways we process our painful parts. I want to know, that even when I think I am alone, you’ve been there also.

A bit of comfort, in my sojourn, through this dark passage.

Darkness does fall. From time-to-time. Until a moment that comes in my dark place when I am able to hear Hope whispering. And immediately after, the relief of Dawn.

And I’m through. Re-emerging again with a new lightness. Acknowledging my traveling companions beside me, courage and bravery.

Contraction is part of my expansion. I make peace with this. I’ll deny it not. For in my darkest moment, a desire is born within. That takes my own personal expansion beyond where it’s ever been before.

Contraction creates in me, a great moment of asking. And oh how I ask.

hanging on.
i don’t feel like i belong
to myself…

divided up
into segments of time
i belong to those i serve
i belong to a calendar, that tells me who is next
who has lined up for more of me

because there is a line
which reinforces the belief
there is not enough me to go around
certainly not for all of you

and i miss myself

the more i give away me
the more i must give to myself
the more i’m called to love me
and matter to me…

instead of disappearing into tiny little pieces

 

 

 

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3 thoughts on “Under The Influence of Contrast

  1. Perfect words for me today. Have felt myself under the influence of contrast more often than I would prefer lately. Thanks Mynde. xoxo

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  2. Great writing Mynde–I think I went looking for what I needed. Making it fit my current situation of expanding too much and being concerned I cannot manage all that I want to do. Forcing me to be more efficient and make better choices in managing my time/priorities, which for me is a great growth oppty. Thanks always for your perfect way of giving.

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  3. Poignant. Bittersweet. Yes, these opposites which are in reality one great continuum… circle, cycle. Expansion/Contraction. Jupiter/Saturn. Deepening us in our wisdom as we spiral round and round. And yet, no matter the countless times I have been here, the feelings are the same.

    Some would say to build an altar to the most difficult energy. Rather than seek to escape it, amplify it. Dance the dance of contraction with all its attendant emotions. Dress in black. Wear a lead necklace. Voice its sounds. Give it time and honored space to inform us of its wisdom.

    We have lost our way with these more challenging forces. Yet their gifts are where the alchemists of old tell us the gold lies. Saturn = Lead = Gold.

    I hear a way in your commitment… “I make peace with this. I’ll deny it not.”

    And… I see contraction pulling you back into yourself. Into aloneness. The birthplace of desire. The seed of expansion… and its growth into the creation of this post and your poem of contraction gifted to the expansive ‘us’.

    thanks for this sharing, Mynde. Its awesome to have a forum in which to reflect on the more shadowy realms of life and living.

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