A few days ago, I had the opportunity to speak to a group of women. Retreat coaches. It’s leader, a dynamic and vibrant Leo, whom I’m learning is so much fun to be around, was speaking and we were all laughing.
And something dawned on me.
I thought about a recent heartbreak. But in a good way. Not in that oooh ouch my achey breaky heart way. Which supposedly isn’t a bad thing. Pema Chodron would like to know if you can reach out and touch it. Your pain. Touch your heart break. And let it open you?
I’m still sitting with that one.
What dawned on me was a memory of a gift I received when I was working with a coach for the first time ever.
I was crying and telling her the biggest heart break story of my life (at the time). Revisiting the pain of a 15-year old, who felt tossed away and left behind when her mother left. A loose end for someone else to think about.
My coach asked me, “But who came in and filled the gap?”
I became confused.
“Did people show up?” she asked me.
And I thought, and remembered, and I could see that, yes, people did show up for me.
Just who I needed. At just the right time. And everything turned out ok.
I was grateful.
I realized in that conversation, that in every heart break, a gap comes with it.
Maybe that’s what Pema means when she says open to your pain. Be willing to stay in it to see who/what steps in to the gap.
Who is showing up for you, in your gap?
There are a lot of people in my gap right now. I’m really grateful for all of them.
I think for the first time in a long time, who I’ve recently encountered in the gap, standing up for me and beside me and many others, is myself. I’m in there and always have been.
I keep rediscovering the gap. One heart break after another, leaving openings. For me to discover the joy of renewal. That my heart rebuilds itself. Reestablishes heart connections. With others. With myself. And that I’m becoming more whole with each heart break.
Today, if you are experiencing heart break, trust and know the gap is there for you too. That with each passing day of heart break, the moment draws nearer when you discover who has arrived in your life to fill the gap left by a recent loss.
Can I touch the center of my pain — and let it open me? This is the way. ~Pema Chodron