This post is part three of a short-series inspired by Danielle LaPorte (more about the beginning of that is here.)
I’m curious if you are among some people I’ve been hanging out with and talking to who are feeling a changing tide in how people engage in business.
Gone is the old paradigm of doing whatever you have to in order to please/keep a client. Sorry, I will not stand on my head for you because, I promise, it still will not make you happy!
Instead, one of the big reasons many of us decided to do our own thing, is to call the shots. And be a little more aware of who we are engaging with and why. And making choices from an entirely different place.
In the past, when I was afraid there wouldn’t be enough, I would consider doing more always. Also, in the past, when I wasn’t clear on who my perfect people were, I’d say yes to working with others when it didn’t feel exactly right. And almost always, I’d overrule my self and dismiss my intuition.
It’s all part of figuring out who I am.
And that’s really the primary driver behind my three rules of engagement. To teach myself how to engage differently. Remind myself how to do that. And why what I’m doing is important to me. It’s one of six ways to stay optimystical during a process of change. Webifying and otherwise.
Knowing what I want and why I’m doing it always helps me get back to center. Helps me remember what’s really important to me, so I don’t go running down the wrong turn of emotional, fear-based reactiveness.
For today, anytime I’m considering engaging into an activity, especially relationship oriented ones, I’ve learned it’s best to plan for the end up front.
Am I talking about breaking up here? Firing your clients and having a plan for that? Not really. If you tend to go overly logical then all of this will sound kinda crazy.
Or, Law of Attraction-ey.
I’m gonna tell you that you’ve got to see the story the way you want it go.
I’m talking about caring enough about the relationship itself that you actively participate in seeing how you’d like the ending to be. A favorite Jen Louden-ism that fits here perfectly is What are your conditions of satisfaction?
Instead of waiting for some big giant condition of unsatisfaction to blow you and your project up. Which is what happens, when you don’t care enough to plan for how you want it to go.
That means planning for misunderstandings. Because they happen all the time. And deciding in advance, how you’d like to show up in it when it does.
Sure, it would be sorta strange to write into a contract or agreement, “in the event of said break-up, thou shall not be an ass” (even though it might be nice to think it could be that easy).
The bottom line though, is if we have already discussed up front, at the beginning when things were all peachy, puppies & rainbows, it will make it much easier to navigate through a misunderstanding should things go awry.
If things stay awry and we decide that we are no longer having any fun together, let’s figure out the most compassionate way out of it. I don’t want to keep hanging out with you, trying to figure out what I can do to make it better for you. Nor do I want you to contort yourself, your ideas for what you want your web presence to be, etc. into something it’s not. Or go on feeling misunderstood in a relationship that I had hoped would be about empowerment and extending your outreach. And feeling more powerful and on purpose.
We get to arrive at “we’re just not a match” and then let each other go. Nicely.
Three Rules of Engaging Optimystically
- Collaborative Creating.
- Clear scope.
- Plan for the end up front. This takes a special kinda technologist and a special kinda client. Planning for the end may seem counter intuitive, however, it’s the best time to do it when things are sunshiny bright and all parties are eager to go! Because it can go to serious crap, seriously fast so have a plan or at least a set of agreements that help you get as clear as you can with each other up front. “In the event this goes to crap, I promise to not be a jerk kinda thing…” It’s worth it to set that intention early on in your working relationship. Honor each other and the process of co-creating. Yes. It sucks to think about it now, but it will suck much more having to do it while it’s happening. Bottom line: make a plan for how each of you will intend to show up when there’s disagreement.
The Perfect Coming Together Vows
And this pretty much sums everything up.
“Hello, friend. We are here as co-creators. And it is my expectation that as we move forward in this relationship that both of us will find ourselves satisfied in every way that is possible. It is my desire to discover who I am and who you are. But most important to me is that I be happy so that I may inspire happiness in you.
I do not take your life as my responsibility. I take my life as my responsibility. And I am looking forward to a very good time here. I am anticipating that as we move forward in this relationship together, we will have the ultimate of all positive experiences—because that is what I intend to look for.
As long as we are having a good time, let us stay together. And if we should stop having a good time, let us separate—either in thought or in physicalness—until negative do us part.”
~ Excerpt from The Vortex by Esther & Jerry Hicks, page 145