It’s quiet. Not dead quiet of course because, per usual, I’m sorting things out (with myself) up here on this breezy window ledge. Only this time, I’m using pen and paper…
I wanted to talk with you today about my need to be persuasive. And how often it shows up.
I’ve had a few challenging moments with relationships in particular the last year or so. And I’m noticing how hard I’m working at being persuasive. I guess with the wrong people. And I guess, in the larger scope, the need to be persuasive at all kinda points at something else entirely, doesn’t it?
Like maybe I’m not enough without it.
So I wanted to make a declaration today… about how I’m engaging with others and how I’m showing up with myself.
I’m really tired of working so hard at trying to be understood. Really working at that. And cultivating the perfect string of words to do it in. So no one takes it the wrong way. I just want to say right now, I’m really tired. And it doesn’t feel good. So I’m really ready to let this go and start understanding myself better.
I’m also tired of thinking that if I’m compassionate, the other person will be too. Hoping that will happen. Instead of just recognizing that it’s not available for me and that it’s not even the other person’s responsibility to give it to me. And it’s not even really about me at all. Not in the way that I think. I’m ready to see this more clearly and I know I’m getting better at it everyday. I’m ready to be kind with myself more than with any other. As I figure out how to love myself better.
And, lastly, since we’re talking about giving up persuasion… I’m tired of leaning too much into my head for understanding. Instead of recognizing what my heart is already saying. Over and over. About understanding. And what we do in and during a misunderstanding. My heart has a different perspective on all of it, and a wisdom I can really trust.
And Jedi, could you be kind enough to occasionally help me remember that I don’t need to be persuasive about anything at all?
Help me remember that I can just show up and be enough. I can come right to the moment and accept and approve of myself. And it’s gonna be a whole lot better than anything that persuasion might cook up.
And so this is my petition to you, dear Jedi, and to my inner knowing. A declaration. I have decided.
Thanks for being up here with me. Oh and persuasion, thank you too.
If you’re ready for a personal declaration on some of your stuff, so am I and I’ve got a plan…