Climbing Down Off The Window Ledge

Something shifted almost immediately after pressing publish on my last post. I talk about pressing publish all the time. Which, unless you blog, you may not understand. But it’s similar to the window ledge. Pressing publish and jumping.

When I press publish, there is a sense of empowerment that happens. Sort of like saying “I choose.” And over the last two days, I’ve been choosing to step out of the window and down from the ledge.

I thought about writing it down, so I could remember how to do it next time. Because I’m learning, there is usually always a next time. Otherwise it wouldn’t be called practice. There will be another window ledge moment.

The first thing I noticed after pressing publish were the familiar voices of fear asking me to doubt myself again. Was I sure? Was it appropriate? Does it matter?

In they come. All gathering around me to console me in some way. Like, “I’m so sorry you have to be you and make all these mistakes all the time.” Hideous. Obsurd even. And even hideous-er is that I actually stop for a minute, sometimes even longer, getting distracted going down that rabbit hole.

So I took a walk. And I decided I wanted to feel better. I mean, taking the walk in the first place was a “feel better” thing for me to do. I’m on this window ledge… what can I do to feel better right now?

And as I was walking and reminding myself that that’s what I want, is to feel better, my eyes distracted me, in a good way. And I found myself in a familiar but distant-at-the-time land of Gratitude. I noticed colors first. Flowers. I said, “That is so beautiful. That is SO beautiful. Boy it’s nice to see beauty. I like seeing that. I like seeing beautiful things.”

Followed by a beautiful moment of recognizing a sense of peace, relief, easy breathing.

Which is me being aware of myself. How I was feeling. Being aware that I am aware. Awareness. Coming back to the moment.

Remembering the good that started it… Gratitude.

Gratitude. Gratitude. Gratitude.

What is already good that I’m just missing the boat on? Where is good floating on by but I’m just not focused on that? My attention is… well stolen. Or unguarded. My attention. Drifting away like a small just-walking child wanders to & fro, bumping into things, waking up, forgetting again.

Focus. Beauty. Gratitude.

Gratitude. Gratitude. Gratitude.

Remembering… gratitude is a way through. I can count on gratitude.

I can count on gratitude.

I can count on seeing the good if I’ll remind myself to look for it.

Make it the most important priority. See the good. Feel better.

I’m still up on that window ledge. I’m just slowing, gently easing myself into a new direction. In this case, down from the window ledge. Instead of wanting to jump out and get from here to there in 2.5 seconds. Or just be done with it. The learning. Or karma. Or whatever it is.

Easy does it. Moving down off the window ledge.

One thought on “Climbing Down Off The Window Ledge

  1. This is so real. So true. So authentic. Ledge sitting is where lots of us reside. You taught me to just press publish and jump off my perfectionist ledge. Freedom is in the jump and I feel gratitude every time. Love it! Yummy stuff. Thanks Mynde!
    .-= Lee Miller´s last blog ..Your Address. Your Body. =-.

    Like

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