I have this habit. I used to not even see it. Now I see it, but at the same time, still see myself doing it and wonder if I will ever stop. Or what thought I might have that finally releases me from this habit’s grip.
I remember Tom Stone saying something like 80% of our sensory perception is affected by sight. I really notice this when I sit quietly and close my eyes. How I sense and what I’m aware of is inner directed instead of being stimulated by what my eyes are constantly taking in and processing.
I wonder sometimes if I just shut my eyes, will I then stop comparing? And I don’t want to miss anything. I don’t want to miss the richness of sight. And at the same time, I’m also tired of not doing stuff because I’m in a state of stuck because I’m watching too closely what others are doing.
I might not even think I am comparing anything. But if I’m watching, comparing will shortly be there. Materializing out of thin air. In the form of my own private thought-bubbles that speak to me, out loud in my head.
“What if this story isn’t important to anyone else but me?”
“Isn’t it selfish to write for myself or to myself?”
“The others, who have written books and published them, are in another league… waaaaay outside of my orbit!”
“I am not trained and have taken no higher education courses around writing. I probably suck and everyone can see that in the evidence of my posts. Whatever I write needs to be and mean a whole lot more than the scribbled ‘I love you honeybee’ messages on my daughter’s lunch napkin.”
That’s what it sounds like in my head sometimes. Really, a lot more than I care to admit.
I’ve learned that comparing comes from my fear. A pretty deep one that shows up in disguises. Fear is a master of disguise.
When I’m comparing, I’m usually coming from a place of less-than. Which is tiresome. So so tired of hatin’ on myself. My ideas. My creativity. My choices.
When I’m comparing, I let someone else’s light eclipse my own.
This week, I’ve been contemplating comparing. How and when it shows up. How much I beat myself up in it. How much I want to do something else besides compare. Understand why I focus on comparing… and discover the gift in it.
What am I not doing while I’m comparing?
A lot. It’s an energetic stall. It’s a cover up. A distraction. A procrastination.
And what would better than this?
Better than a cover up would be a revealing.
Better than a distraction would be great love in the form of focus.
Better than procrastination would be a decision.
The decision to just do it.
Comparing. Might it be A Gift For Learning To See Ourselves?
Just five minutes (thank you Pace & Kyeli for this wonderful anchor).
Do it, whatever I’m not doing that wants so badly to be started or fed or created or worshipped or loved.
And so I’m closing my eyes. And going within to ask what wants to be done? What wants to be written? What wants to be spoken? What wants to be prayed for? What wants my inner attention?
And I believe it’s me in there. A connection to my creative source that wants my attention and wants my voice, my fingers on the keyboard, and my heart wide open.
For now, comparing is keeping me from seeing me and connecting to the very thing I think I want more than anything. The thing that I ache for…
And that voice sounds like this:
Sometimes, you just have to stop looking at what other people are doing. And start doing your own thing. Now, strike sometimes.
That was the message I received from the me that is free from the stuckness of comparing.
Have you noticed comparing? I would love to know how you care for yourself if you have. And if comparing stuckifies you, how do you help yourself with that?
- What does comparing look like for you?
- What does comparing tip you off to?
- What would you be doing if you weren’t busy comparing?
- What works for you to help you reframe comparing?
- What are the hidden gifts you’ve discovered hiding out in your comparing?