I’m afraid to write. I’m afraid to be me. I’m afraid to say what I really think… or you’ll go run and hide. All the little thoughts that boil up when I get ready to do something important.
Me and my random thoughts. Yet how random are they?
When I stop and look and listen, I see the thread of fear running through all of it.
A fear of being wrong. Wrong-shaped. Wrong smarts. Wrong for the job. Wrong for success.
Wrong for you. Whoever you might be in this moment.
And one more time, I find, I’m looking outside of me. Again. Looking for some relief. Relief from disappointment. Relief from resentment (carrying disappointment over time). Relief that this time, what I really want, won’t end up lying just beyond my reach. Again.
In Fearless Living, this dynamic is called Expectation. It’s the mindtrap of being lost to my (mostly fear-based) thoughts. And driving totally asleep at the wheel since I have no concept that I get more of whatever I’m giving my attention to.
Expectation is multi-faceted in how it shows up. I never stop becoming more aware of just how much it is woven into my human experience. From relating to others and things in our world to relating to myself.
I find myself frequently waking up to the awareness that I’m caught up in the web of another one of my expectations.
People ask me all the time when we’re working together, “Is there ever an objective of getting fully rid of expectation? Or is expectation a bad thing?”
And herein enters the famous coaching phrase, “It’s part of the process.”
Which really is the gift for helping us out of the uncomfortableness of expectations in the first place. The “shifting-your-focus-on-to-a-process” part that is, instead of looking solely at or for the end result.
What kind of uncomfortableness am I talking about?
Oh the resentment and disappointment from earlier. That plus tons more. Like the irritation, frustration, blaming, isolating, procrastinating, compromising, and powerlessness. The bitterness, judgmentalism, suffering and settling. Oh and the annoyance, entitlement, dissatisfied and perfectionistic uncomfortableness. Do you know any of these?
But wait, there’s more!
These symptoms and many others, all stem from one place: an expectation.
Not the juicy, full of optimysticism, joyful anticipation expectation. No, not that kind at all.
This one is the kind that is attached to a very specific outcome. Usually based on other things we do, say, think or plan. And boy, when that plan does not execute the way we want it too, enter uncomfortableness!
So here’s the deal: If you’re curious, about this afraid stuff or the expectation stuff or the disappointment and irritation stuff, I invite you to check out this live, two-part tele-seminar thingy I’m doing on July 23 & 30th.
The first part is an hour devoted just to Expectations themselves. Exploring them. Uncovering them. Seeing how they show up in your own life. You’ll get some interesting ideas to take with you that will help to uncover them. If you don’t already have a slight clue as to what they are, you’ll definitely know after this class. Then we come back on the 30th and discover a new way of dealing with all the disappointy-yucky-irritated-crap and apply a step-by-step process for getting clear on what’s right for you, in the moment. So when you act, it’s from clarity. Not from the confused and fear-based fog of self-doubt and devaluing yourself. Ugh!
And if you already have a sense you are ready to crack down on this and the rest of your fear in a compassionate and sometimes funny way, let’s chat. I got a whole bag of tricks for fear and living fearlessly.
So there. I went ahead and wrote anyway. I said what I thought. And I was definitely more me. It is scary. But I kept moving. And now here we are, at the end of another post.