- Selfish Series: Part 1 – Stand Up For YourSelf This Christmas
- Selfish Series: Part 2 – Reframing Selfish
- Selfish Series: Part 3 – Ask For What You Want
- Selfish Series: Part 4 – Needy vs. Selfish
Moving forward from the past
In my last article, I set the ground work for embracing selfish during this holiday season. We explored where the tribal urge comes from to want to please in the first place… from the past. In the past, it was a risk to the tribe to be selfish. However, today is very different. Our society has brought itself forward significantly and this gives us permission to embrace selfish. And still, for some of us, the thought of being selfish is frightening. Exploring the benefit of being selfish by filling ourselves up so we have an abundance to give to others supports us to anchor into the possibility of taking the risk of looking selfish and thus we begin to reframe selfish.
So the first step is actually to be willing to practice being selfish. Do this by either allowing yourself to think about what might be possible if you dropped the fear of looking selfish or, if you are feeling really fearless, take a risk to do something that you previously thought to be selfish, and do one small selfish thing everyday. Each small step builds on itself and brings you forward in ways that you haven’t even imagined yet! If you still feel challenged with this, just think about being generous with yourself (as opposed to selfish to others) and ask yourself “what will be possible for me, my life, if I committed to one act of generosity towards myself each day?”
When we practice a new skill over and over, we get better at it! And eventually we build confidence because we’ve practiced taking a risk. That confidence supports us to begin considering, “What other risk might I take?” to support me moving forward with selfish. The next place we go is to clarity. Get clear on what you want. What are the benefits of knowing what you want? Well you can then ask for it! And surprisingly, when you know what you want, it changes how you show up in the world. Knowing what you want usually empowers others around you. People become more relaxed and drawn to you when you exhibit confidence and security in who you are and what you want. Will you still encounter folks who are turned off by your new behavior? Heck yeah! And whose problem is that? Is that really about you? If you are practicing being selfish, you are anchoring into the benefits. Is it worth the cost of those benefits (feeling full, having enough to give to others, loving yourself, increased confidenced) worth giving up in order to make the other person more comfortable?
My personal “win”
My ‘ask for what you want’ win happened yesterday. As some of you know, I run a book group on Wednesday nights from 7-8pm Pacific. From the place of confidence, I asked myself “What can I do to upgrade myself, take myself and my coaching practice to the next level?” What occurred to me was “wouldn’t it be fun to get back into radio?” Back in the mid-90’s I supported my astrology mentor with his weekly radio show. It was fun and offered me away to connect to more people. I researched a couple of different options and ultimately made my decision. However, once I establish my account and attempted to book my first radio segment, the online application I was using gave me an error. I wrote to customer service and the person I dealt with (Mr. John C. Sweet) told me that the time slot I was requesting was considered “peak” and new hosts cannot book during “peak” hours. What a bummer! The whole reason I wanted to take this step was to migrate my existing teleclass and if I couldn’t take them (you) with me, it was not a fit. I gave it some thought and it occurred to me that I have evidence from my existing service provider to show that I have regular attendance to my class, maybe the radio platform could make an exception? I got clear and I asked and guess what? After several clarifying emails, Mr. Sweet visited my website and blog and was impressed with what he saw and conceded to “give it a try!” YES! So beginning next week, you will be able to connect with me at BlogTalkRadio.com. My shows will now be recorded and I get to connect to a new audience while continuing to serve my existing class participants.
I didn’t allow Mr. Sweet’s initial reply stop me. I stayed “in the game,” and committed to finding my radio fit. It was a pleasant surprise to receive his follow-up email, however I had already moved forward, so it was really win-win for me.
For the next few days, think about what it is you could ask for. Be clear. Be specific and ask. You might be surprised!